STANTON GOES TO ELIMIDATE!
by The Obsidian Angel
Summary: Stanton can't find a decent victim, he's sexually confused, and the Atrrox thinks he's homosexual which he may very well be. Karyl's solution? ELIMIDATE! Stanton Serena, Jimena, Tianna, Catty, Vanessa, Tymmie, Karyl, Cassandra, etc. Everyone gets a ride
1. Chapter 1

Got the elimidate notion from my friend Cori. Thanx Cori.

* * *

"GET UP, YOU LAZY BUM!" the Atrox bellowed in Stanton's ear. The man groaned and gave his teddy a squeeze.

"Just a few more minutes…"

"NO!" The Atrox growled and hit Stanton upside the head with the teddy. "All you ever do is sleep, eat taffy apples, and molest under-aged girls in graveyards! It's time you went out and got a _real_ job!"

Stanton pouted. He _liked_ taffy apples and under-aged chicks in graveyards…

"GO!"

"But-"

"NOW!"

"Aw maaan…" Stanton crawled out of the bed and made a mad dash for the showers.

* * *

Stanton sighed as the hot water ran over his back and continued to brood over his argument with the Atrox. "It's not like I don't do_ everything_ around here! I only _turned Cassandra to the Atrox_!"

"Stanton" Tymmie frowned, scrubbing at Stanton's back. "That was five years ago. And the Atrox loathes her, remember?"

"Did I _ask_ for your opinion, slave?" Stanton glared down at him. "SCRUB HARDER!"

"Yessir!" Tymmie increased his speed.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh". Stanton gave an orgasmic moan. "That's the spot".

"What are you two doing?" A deep, ominous voice of doom invaded the room.

Stanton immediately shoved Tymmie into the shower head and smiled widely at his master. "N- nothing, my lord. We were just… we were just…"

"Chillin". Tymmie offered.

"Yeah…" Stanton shot Tymmie a murderous look.

"Did you have to do it together?" the Atrox inquired.

Stanton's cheeks turned a bright red. "Just because I shower with a few guys automatically makes me GAY?"

"… I didn't say that".

"Oh…" Stanton shuffled his feet nervously.

"You two weren't…" The Atrox gagged at the thought. "Scrubbing each others backs, were you?"

"No!" Stanton gulped. "How could you think such a thing? Tymmie?"

"Yep…… nope".

The Atrox eyed them both suspiciously before exiting the room, all while muttering something about sweet death and suicide.

Tymmie tossed his sponge up and down. "Well, that was close". He pulled something brown and sweet from his towel. "Taffy Apple?"

"Don't mind if I do". Stanton took it and blasted Tymmie into a wall, knocking him unconscious. He smiled and opened his mouth when he found that it was missing the peanuts. Dammit… Falling to his knees, he opened the man's towel and raided it. He still couldn't find a thing. Maybe if he just leaned in closer…

"One more thing…" A familiar voice of doom roared.

"Oh no…"

Stanton swallowed hard and looked up to see a surprised Atrox towering over them. To make things worse, Tymmie uttered a low moan. Stanton shoved a bar of dove soap in his mouth.

"WHAT IS THIS?"

"It's-" Stanton stuttered. "It's not what you think! I- I was just looking for nuts!"

"WHAT?"

"N- No! I meant-" He groaned as the walls began to tremble. There was no escaping now…

* * *

Stanton hopped into the apartment he shared with Karyl, Kellye, Cassandra and the rest of the Hollywood followers. Karyl gasped when he spotted him and held up a gun.

"Karyl" Stanton hopped to the right, his crutches wobbling. "It's me".

Karyl lowered the gun, his eyes still wary. "Stanton? What the hell happened to _you_?"

Stanton grimaced. "You want the long version or the short one?"

* * *

"So" Karyl frowned. "The Atrox thinks you're a good for nothing, gluttonous, cradle robber who will never amount to anything".

Stanton nodded. "Basically."

"And a homosexual".

"But I'm not!" Stanton brought his fist down on the arm of his couch and moaned in pain.

"Yeah. Right". Karyl rolled his eyes. "What about that time-"

Stanton shot him a death glare. "You will never speak of that again".

Karyl shrugged. "Fine"

"Fine"

"…"

"… Betta had".

"…"

"I was drunk".

"Whatever".

"I didn't mean to"

"Don't".

"K…"

"… The cuffs were a nice touch"

"Yeah…"

Suddenly 'Elimidate' flashed on the television screen followed by a series of different big breasted bimbos. They all giggled, fought, and made out with the main guy. Sometimes with each other. At the end of the commercial, Karyl's eyes were glowing mischievously. He gave a sideway glance at Stanton. "You thinking what I'm thinking?"

Stanton smirked at the image of the hot Elimidate guy. "Probably not".

"You should go to Elimidate"

Stanton sighed. "Karyl, you know how I feel about the female population".

"But the Atrox doesn't know that!" Karyl jumped up. "If you go to Elimidate, you'll have new victims, popularity, and the Atrox'll think you're straight again!"

"I _AM_ STRAIGHT!" SO I DON'T LIKE MOST WOMEN AND SLEPT WITH A FEW GUYS! DOES THAT MAKE ME ANY LESS OF A MAN? DOES IT?"

"Do you really want me to answer that question?"

Stanton's bottom lip quivered. "Go away! Pack my things for tomorrow morning!" He looked up, determination accompanying the tears in his eyes. "I'm going to Elimidate".

* * *

I already wrote the next chappy but I dunno if Ill be typing it up tonight. Definitely tommorrow though. 


	2. LETS PLAY ELIMIDATE

Very offensive! There will be character bashing! So leave now if you're not into that sorta thing

* * *

Stanton shadowed his way into the Elimidate studio, knocking a few of his competitors out on his way. By the time he'd made it to the audition room, he'd put everyone to sleep. A woman in a pink and black suit stepped out from another room, her black stilettos clicking against the perfectly mopped floors. "Well…" She bit her lip. "Looks like you're the only conscious contestant. Please, come in".

Stanton grinned, straightened out his tie, and followed her into the room.

"Sit down". She smiled widely at him.

He did.

"Now tell me a little bit about yourself. For starters, what's your name?"

"Stanton."

The woman stared at him expectantly.

"What?" Stanton asked, moving around a bit in his seat. He didn't like when women stared at him. It made him uncomfortable.

"Is there a last name that goes with that, Stanton?"

"Er…" Stanton glanced around the room. He'd forgotten about humans and their silly surnames. "Stanton…" His eyes lowered to her writing utensil. "Pen. Stanton Pen".

"Stanton Pen" She scribbled his name down. "And your age?"

"One thou…… eighteen".

"Riiight. Your parents?"

"Dead".

"Sexual orientation?"

"… no comment".

"Job?"

"I... ah…" he scratched his head.

"Some top secret agency?"

"I guess you could say that…"

"Interesting… And what's your perfect idea of a date?"

"Um… graveyard. Midnight. Death. That sort of thing".

The woman stared at him. "Amusement parks… okay. Likes?"

Stanton paused. "I think I like pain. Yes pain".

Her smile gave a slight twitch.

"Other people's pain" he laughed. "I'm no masochist".

"Mmmhmmm". She scribbled something else down. "Dislikes?"

"The moon. Selene. Tymmie. I only get with him when there's nothing better to do. Everything basically".

More scribbling. "Right". She eyed the other room. "Well since the others couldn't stay awake, I suppose you'll have to do. Read this clipboard for the camera and give us that bad ass smile".

She turned the camera on and Stanton tried his best to look more bad ass and less monkey. He hadn't showered that morning… He finally achieved a devil may care smirk.

"Action!" The woman rang.

"My name is Stanton Pea" he read. "Pen! Stanton Pen! I'm eighteen. My parents are… alive and well? I just talked to them this morning?"

_What the fuck?_ He mouthed to the woman. She only responded with a fake grin.

"I like women? I work for the FBI? My idea of a perfect date is a day at the… _amusement park_? I like body building, motorcycles, and women of course? I dislike… _homosexual_s? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" He flung himself at the woman, but it was too late. The tape was already on its way to the Elimidate capitol.

* * *

A month later…

Stanton, after his daily shower with Tymmie, opened the mail box to find five tapes and a letter from Elimidate. His hands started shaking. "Read it". He handed it to Karyl.

"Pussy", Karyl smirked and opened the letter. "Dear Stanton Pen?"

"Shut up and read the damn letter".

"Dear Stanton Pen. Congratulations. We are pleased to inform you that you have been selected to appear on the fourteenth episode of this season's Elimidate as the lucky bachelor. Please be present on the eighth of June at the following address".

Karyl and Stanton exchanged glances before holding each other and jumping up and down in a circle. Eventually Tymmie joined in.

"YES!"

"YES!"

"YES!"

"YOU MADE IT!"

"HE MADE IT!"

"I MADE IT!"

"FWAHAHAHA!"

"MEHEHEHEHEH!"

"MWAHAHAHAHA!"

They all turned around to see the Atrox staring at them in disgust.

"GET OFF ME, YOU FOOLS!" Stanton blasted them both into a nearby dumpster and went off to watch his contestant AKA victims' tapes.

* * *

A girl resembling a cheerleader smiled brightly into the camera. She smoothed down the material of her short, pink dress and tossed back her golden tresses. "I'm Vanessa Cleveland, but _you_ can call me Nessa. I'm sixteen years old and I'm SOOOO popular! My father, a famous actor, died when I was little and I live with my mom who is a famous fashion designer. She designed this dress, these heels, this handbag, and everything else I have on. My family is full of stars and high achievers. That makes us the best. Work? Ha! Vanessa Cleveland work? She doesn't need too. My mother and random boys buy me everything I need. My perfect idea of a date is a romantic stroll along the beach. That is SOOOOOO sweet. But not after curfew!" She giggled. "I like order. I dislike troublemakers. They're SOOO naughty. Oh, my gawd". She gave one last giggle, winked, and leaned forward to turn off the camera.

Stanton cocked an eyebrow. The bitch was scary. He put in another tape.

A girl with long raven hair with a slight curl, sat on top of a car with baggy clothes and a black eye. A dark gun rested in her palm.

"Me llamo es Jimena Castillo. I'm seventeen. My parents are both dead. I live with mi abuela. I work at a children's hospital and I do a little hustling on the side if you know what I mean". She spun the gun about with her fingers. "Perfect date? I dunno. Jackin some cars? Settin a few parks on fire? I like guns. Big ones. That go BOOM! I dislike punk asses like you who have to come on cheesy shows like this to find a girl. _Comprehende_? I'm there for the food". With that, she shot out the camera.

Stanton winced, ejected Jimena's tape, and slid the next in.

A girl with short black and red hair sat on her bed, a knowing smile on her lips. Her emerald eyes glowed with a secret.

"I'm Serena Killingsworth and I'm fifteen. But I'm really mature for my age. My mom left when I was young so I live with my father and brother now. I'm a medium. A fortune teller. Call this toll free number". She held up an 800 number. "Just don't tell the CIA……. Oops. Well, my idea of a perfect date is going somewhere exotic like Africa… or a rave. I like to party and have fun. I also like to write and play the cello. I dislike violence and rash actions". She smiled and leaned over to turn off the camera.

She seemed okay. Stanton popped in another tape.

A girl with long brown hair smiled at him from what seemed to be the top of a skyscraper. She was completely. Naked.

"I'm Catty. No really. I am. I just turned sixteen! WOOT! I live with my adoptive mom, Kendra and she is soooo totally okay with this. I work at a bookstore but I have a side job as a (beeeep). I make a lot of money when I (beep). It isn't hard you just take the (beep) and (beep) it real hard. My perfect idea of a date is like Mr. and Mrs. Smith except more guns and more sex. I like sex. Trouble and sex. I dislike prudes and rules. They were made to be broken" She winked and turned off the camera.

Stanton shuddered. Sex… with a girl? Well, she _was_ under-aged and hot, but still… He would have to think about it… He put in the last tape.

An abnormally beautiful girl appeared in low riding jeans and a red tank top. Long, dark curls spiraled down her back. She smirked at the camera. "I'm Tianna Moore. I'm fifteen. My parents died when I was younger so I now live with Mary and my brother and sister. I'm a model at a local agency. My idea of a perfect date is somewhere hot and exotic. I like to have fun, dance, and skateboard. I dislike medicine and people who are jealous of me. Buh- bye". She waved before cutting the camera off.

Stanton drooled onto the carpet.

"Stanton?"

"Gah…"

"STANTON!"

He spun around to see Karyl.

"Happy to see me?"

Stanton looked down. Dammit. Damn Tianna and her fucking hotness. "Well, what is it?" He grabbed a pillow to cover up his groin.

"Found another tape in the box".

Stanton raised an eyebrow. He could have sworn there weren't any left. Taking it from Karyl, he reluctantly ejected Tianna's tape and slid the new girl's in.

A girl with multicolored hair appeared, a malevolent sneer twisting her expression. Their eyes widened in horror.

Cassandra…

"My name is Cassandra" She glanced around the room quickly. "Pen. I'm eighteen years old. I live with Tymmie and Karyl and we are emissaries of darkness. My idea of the perfect date is like Dracula or something. I like blood sports. Stanton and blood sports. Stanton and blood sports and knives. I dislike all the bitches you've been sleeping with. Did you honestly think I didn't know? I know everything! I'm watching you! I'm always watching you! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU HAD THE AUDACITY-" Stanton clicked the television off.

"How the hell did she manage that?"

Karyl shrugged. "We'll never know".

* * *

June 8, 2005…

Stanton stood in front of a ritzy outside restaurant in Hollywood. He'd dressed extra dangerous in all black plus a leather jacket. They couldn't possibly resist him. Could they? He finally spotted a girl walking towards him, her long dark hair swishing back and forth in the wind. She pulled at the hem of her crimson mini and gave him an insolent grin.

False alarm.

"Cassandra". He frowned.

"Stanton!" She wrapped her arms around his neck.

"ACK! ACK! ACK!"

"Sorry. I bought you something" She dragged a black garbage bag behind her, a tiny red bow on its side.

"I don't want it" He peeked inside to see a white substance. "I told you I'm clean now". He shoved the cocaine down a nearby pothole. Cassandra's eyes widened.

"NO!" she screamed, diving in after it.

"Heheheheh", he cackled and turned back around to spot another girl coming his way. Her black hooker boots clicked against the sidewalk as she walked his way, her fishnet hose caressing her legs. A long jean skirt with a high split billowed in the wind and she wore a matching jacket with a black halter underneath. Her hair was pulled into a very high ponytail that sat atop her head. From it hung long black extensions that framed her face and reached to her shoulders. She wore silver hoop earrings and a secretive smile. "You must be Stanton". She held out her hand to shake his. Instead he leaned down to kiss it.

"And you must be Serena. The pleasures all mine", he smirked, taking in her style. Maybe he could put up with her… for today.

"I bought you cookies" She held up a plate. "I made them-"

"COOKIES?" he snatched them away. "YOU SHOULDN"T HAVE!" Holding the plate up to his mouth, he gobbled them all down making cookie monster noises. "MMMMMMMMMM!" he mumbled through dough and chocolate. "How ja know ah waz hungee?"

"Erm…"

"Thanks", he grinned, swallowing the last of the cookies. "You know, you look amazing for a girl".

"What?"

"You look amazing".

"Thank you".

"Stanton?"

He turned to see another girl approaching him. This one was dressed in a hot pink tube top with hip hugging designer jeans. Matching pink butterfly earrings dangled from her ears and her golden hair glistened in the sunlight. Her pink sandals clapped against the street as she drew closer and put her hands to her perfect waist, blue eyes burning into his. She was quite the contrast to Serena.

"And you must be Vanessa".

"That I am" Vanessa beamed and gave Serena a genuine smile. "You look so handsome!"

"So do you"

"What?"

"Pretty. You look pretty".

She smiled again.

Soon yet another girl joined them. Stanton gulped, feeling his blood pressure rising. He held Serena's plate over his groin.

"I'm-"

"Tianna Marisha Moore" he sighed.

"I'm"

"Fifteen"

"I-"

"Weigh 120 and a half pounds", he whispered lovingly.

Tianna backed away a bit. "So" she gave a nervous laugh. "What's with the plate?"

"I gave it to him" Serena interrupted.

"As a friend" Stanton reminded Tianna.

"Well-" Tianna started, but before she could finish, something fell into his arm, wild and flailing. A smiling Catty, tossed her sky diving equipment away to reveal a scarlet hooker suit. She took the whip from her waist band and toyed with it. "Just thought I'd do a little air surfing after my morning shift. Didn't have time to change". She snapped the whip in Stanton's direction and he flinched.

"Playing hard to get?" she smirked.

Suddenly a bullet rang through the air, grazing Stanton on the side of his jacket. "OUCH!"

Jimena stood before him, dressed in the same baggy clothes from the tape. She blew at head of the gun.

"Jimena", Serena grinned.

"Don't be such a baby. It's just a little gun". She pointed it in his direction and he tried not to squeak.

"Do you know how much this jacket costs, _woman_?"

"Hopefully more than that wack ass hair style. Get a hair cut, _vato_".

"Don't talk to Stanton that way!" Cassandra scowled as she climbed out of the sewer.

Stanton groaned. This was going to be a looong few days.

Next up on Elimidate: **(WE HAVE STATISTICS!)**

Stanton and Jimena: Heated arguments lead to rough sex 30 of the time.

Stanton and Serena: "I feel like I can really talk to you". Friendship or more?

Stanton and Tianna: Fatal Attraction leads to consensual intercourse 1/2 of the time.

Stanton and Catty: I'm in love with a strippeeeeeeeer…

Stanton and Cassandra: See Stanton and Tianna

Stanton and Vanessa: A prep and a bad ass. A match made in heaven or a recipe for disaster?

The confession room.

And more importantly: WHO WILL BE ELIMIDATED?

ON THE NEXT EPISODE OF ELIMIDATE!

* * *

I be crazeez. You can vote if you want. 


	3. FIRST ROUND: CAT FIGHT!

_**Hey, I see some people do not like my portrayal of certain characters. Well, the thing is, I'm not exactly portraying them It's a parody so I guess I'm really picking on them. Sorry!**_

* * *

A camera blinked on to reveal a blonde girl grinning a bit too widely. CONFESSIONS streamed across the screen in big, black, bold letters.

"Hi! I'm Vanessa from Elimidate and I think Catty has definitely_ got_ to _go_. I know we're best friends but she is like_ such_ a whore! Oh my Gawd!"

"Hey I'm Catty and I heard that, Vanessa! _Like,_ I'm Catty from Elimidate and I think _Vanessa_ has definitely_ got _to _go_. I know we're best friends but she is like _such_ a prude! Like Oh My Gawd!" She blew a kiss at the screen and flipped the bird.

"Hey, I'm Serena and I'm not one to judge. But I think Cassandra should go. Who brings giant bags of weed on their first date? Someone should slap that girl."

"Speakin of slappin people, my name is Jimena and I think Stanton should be voted off. We can do just fine without _him_. And if that cocky bitch with the long hair looks at me like that one more time-"

"What are you_ talking _about? My name is Tianna and I think this is a losing battle for everyone else. I'm obviously the hottest one here and the way I see it, I've already won. Give up, girls."

"I'm Cassandra, Stanton's ex- girlfriend! Yeah, that's right, bitches! Stanton loves me! And we're gonna be together forever and ever and ever! He might not know it yet, but we're destined to be! It's in the stars. Check out my new tattoo!" She started to undo her skirt and the camera faded out.

* * *

"Hey girls!" Stanton feigned a smile. In truth he was terrified by so many females.

"Hi Stanton!" They all smiled back flirtatiously with the exception of Vanessa who looked wholesome no matter what she did and Cassandra who looked as if she wanted to gobble him down. Literally.

For the fear of cannibalism, Stanton inched away from Cassandra and stood near Tianna. "Hi Tianna", he whispered dreamily.

"Hi Stanton", she wrapped an arm around his neck and pressed her body up against his. "So... where to?"

* * *

CONFESSION ROOM****

"That was completely uncalled for." Vanessa rocked back and forth in her seat. "Children could be watching this!"

* * *

"Well, girls," Stanton grinned. "Ready to hit the beach?"

"Yeah!" they all cheered, racing toward a large, dark red blanket that was specially reserved for them by Elimidate Studios.

Stanton fell down against the material and, to the other girls' disappointment, Tianna hopped into his lap. That is until Catty kicked sand into her eyes and sent her wailing to the restrooms. Stanton stared desolately after her. Tianna was the only one that he was really attracted to. What was he supposed to do now?

"So..." Catty straddled him and wrapped her arms around his neck. "What does a big, strong guy like you do for a living?"

"Meep," he squeaked, before regaining his composure. "Um... well I'm an evil emissary for the Atrox."

Serena and Jimena both gasped. Catty, however, just tossed her hair back. "Oh, my God! That is soooo cool! I've never been with an evil emissary for the Atrox before!"

Stanton sincerely doubted this.

"The Atrox?!" Vanessa's eyes widened. "I've heard that name somewhere before!"

Serena slapped a hand to her forehead.

"Aren't they some evil, malevolent group that we're supposed to be fighting?" Catty asked.

"That's right!" Vanessa doubled back with laughter. "Oh my God, Stanton! You're not gonna believe this! We're the Daughters of the- mmmph!" Jimena had wrestled the girl's head into the sand.

"H-hey!" A scared Stanton stammered. "Play nice now, gi-"

"Shut up, vato."

"Okay."

"Let her go, Jimena." Serena nudged the girl.

Jimena let her go and Vanessa came up sputtering for air. "Oops! Sorry, you guys! I wasn't thinking!"

Stanton cocked his eyebrow. He sensed that something suspicious was going on between these four, but he couldn't quite comprehend it with Catty so close to him. She was just so damn clingy and aggressive! And to top it off, she had to be a girl...

"So Stanton", Cassandra started, massaging roughly at his leg, the same hungry look in her eyes. "Why don't you tell them about us?"

Stanton gulped. "Us?" Last time he checked, there_ was_ no "us".

"You know. Tell them how you swept me off my feet that night, took me away to your castle, and made sweet love to me!"

"You mean how I sucked away your dreams, took you to my dirty apartment, and had sex with you."

Cassandra's jaw dropped.

"For five minutes."

The girls all looked appalled at him. Even Jimena. He mentally kicked himself. That's right. He'd forgotten how sentimental girls were...

"I mean... um..."

They continued to stare.

"Um..." Speak, damn you. "That is to say-"

"That's _hot_!" Catty gushed, moving in closer to him. He flinched a bit.

Jimena joined in. "And I thought I had you figured!" She patted him a bit too hard on the back.

Vanessa blushed. "I've always wondered what it would be like to have a guy boss me around, use me, and tell me what to do."

They all looked at her.

"Or not..." She gave a deep sigh.

Serena and Cassandra were the only ones who didn't seem exactly thrilled by Stanton's confession. But he had won over the majority! And if most girls just wanted some guy to fuck them over, so be it.

"What did I miss?"

They all looked up to see Tianna staring down at them, her arms folded in front of her black, one piece bathing suit.

Stanton grinned widely. "Why I was just telling the girls about how I ruthlessly turned Cassandra to the dark side and used her for sex!"

"Oh, really?" Tianna smiled, reaching towards him.

"Really!" He sighed. She was going to be_ soooo_ impressed... He watched as she lifted her purse from the ground. Was she going to give him something? He would have preferred a kiss but-

"PAIN!" He howled as Tianna went upside his head with her purse. "What!"

"OUCH!"

"Kind of sicko!"

"OUCH!"

"Are you?!"

"OWIE!"

"Hurting!"

"OUCH!"

"Young girls like that!"

"PLEASE!"

"DIDN"T! YOUR! MOTHER! TEACH! YOU! MANNERS?!"

Stanton had fell against Vanessa who was desperately trying to revive him. "Oh, Tianna! How _could_ you?!"

Tianna sneered. "Tianna doesn't date male chauvinists." With that, she tossed her hair back and walked away in slow motion.

"Wait!" Stanton begged. "Tianna come baaack!" He cried for half an hour until she was out of sight, which would have only been fifteen minutes if she'd been walking in real time.

Unfortunately for the rest of the girls, the rest of the morning was spent trying to calm down a hysterical Stanton.

* * *

CONFESSION ROOM

"Hi! I'm Tianna Moore and I cannot believe what a jerk Stanton turned out to be! If I didn't have this contract to adhere to, I'd be gone. Tianna has _much_ better things to do with her time!" She gave the camera the hand.

"Hi, I'm Catty! Ding Dong the bitch is dead! I was getting so tired of her bullshit attitude! I'm glad I kicked that sand in her face! Stanton needs someone understanding who respects him and doesn't talk in the third person. Good riddance, bitch!"

"Hey! I'm Cassandra and I have not been abused so if you Domestic Violence companies would stop calling me, it would be nice."

"Hey! I'm Serena and I can't completely blame Tianna. And you have to admit, that was hella funny."

* * *

Later that day, everyone sat in a McDonald's near the beach.

Jimena grimaced. "Que pasa? What the hell are we doing here? If I had wanted this, I would have stayed in East L.A."

Stanton frowned bitterly. "Apparently the staff on Elimidate is predominantly female. After my little episode, they refused to give me money for the rest of the day." He pulled his wallet out and scanned through it. "That means that we'll each be having a fry and sharing a small orange juice".

Everyone groaned, but Vanessa.

"Oh, come on, you guys! It's not that bad." She leaned against the back of the booth that she shared with Stanton and Jimena. "What size fry are we each getting, sweetie?"

Stanton gave a dry laugh. "You misunderstood me." They all got his drift as one of the employees sat a tray containing one small fry and an orange juice on the table.

The brightness in Vanessa's eyes died. "Oh."

Tianna huffed. "You're chauvinistic _and _you're broke? I don't know how much longer I can take this..."

Stanton winced. "I'm trying my very best..."

"You don't have to defend yourself against _her_, Stanton!" Catty sneered. "If you can't take it anymore then take your fry and go eat outside! You won't be missed-OUCH!"

Stanton kicked Catty from under the table. That damn girl just didn't know how or when to keep her mouth shut... "Tianna, please. Sit down. You don't have any transportation and it's dark out."

Tianna reluctantly took her seat and munched on a french fry.

"So," Stanton started. What kind of questions did the guys on those game shows ask again? "Um... what's you guys' favorite cartoon character?"

They all seemed a bit taken back by this question. Serena was the first to speak up.

"I like Eric Cartman..."

Stanton nodded absently. "Good choice."

"I totally love Lola Bunny" Vanessa giggled.

"Cat Woman." Jimena stared bitterly at what was left of her fry.

"Betty Boop" Cassandra winked at Stanton.

"I don't watch cartoons." Tianna crossed her arms and lifted her head up, haughtily.

"I'd _so _do Aladdin", Catty put in.

Tianna clicked her tongue and Catty seethed with anger.

"You got somethin you wanna say?"

"Well," Tianna started stiffly. "You can't _do_ a cartoon character. That's pathetic. It's like wanting to do someone in a _book_ or something."

Catty stood up and climbed onto the table so that Stanton missed her this time. She met eye to eye with Tianna. "If you don't like my preferences, why don't you do something about it?"

"Maybe I will!" Tianna screamed, taking the napkin dispenser and jamming it against Catty's nose.

"AHHHH!" Vanessa screeched. "Stop fighting, you g- AH!" Catty's elbow had hit her square in the forehead as she punched Tianna out of the booth.

Stanton sighed miserably. He was tired of keeping the two apart. Besides, it had been a while since he'd seen a good cat fight...

Jumping from the edge of the table, Catty's boots came down on Tianna's stomach, knocking the wind out of her.

"You bitch!" Tianna choked, grabbing the orange juice from beneath Jimena's lips and flinging it in Catty's eyes.

"AHHHH!" Catty screamed. "IT BURNS!" Blinking repeatedly, she snatched Stanton's fry from his hand and smashed it into Tianna's hair.

"Hey!" Stanton bellowed. "I was gonna eat that!" He went for what was left in the small fry bag, but Catty got their first. Taking the rest of the fries in hand, she finished the job.

"MY HAIR!" Tianna screeched. "DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO GET THIS STYLE JUST RIGHT?!" She frantically ran about McDonalds searching for a mirror.

"No," Catty grabbed the napkin dispenser and heaved it toward Tianna's head. "How long did it take you, you self-absorbed bitch?!"

"OW!" Tianna cried on impact and sank to the floor where Catty commenced to drag her all around the restaurant by her precious hair.

"Well," Serena sighed, watching as Catty dragged Tianna like a rag doll continuously over the bathroom area. "This is interesting. And here I thought they were good friends."

"They were," Vanessa sat weeping across the table, wiping her eyes with one of the many napkins that had fell from the dispenser. "Television really _does_ change everything."

* * *

That night, they all stood outside in the rain. Not just because McDonald's kicked them out, but Elimidate thought it would make for a nice setting.

"Tonight", Stanton started. "Someone will be leaving." Everyone but Jimena grimaced. Some trembled slightly. Stanton had to suppress a grin. _Hallelujah_...

"Vanessa!"

The girl gasped.

"You..." He searched for any redeeming qualities that he could find. "Have really good hair. You're pretty. But your obsession with pink doesn't really go with my emo style. And you're too uptight. You need to loosen up a bit. Jimena!"

Jimena stepped forward, her hands shoved in her pockets and a nonchalant expression on her face. "You... you... I can't find the words... to describe you." _Nice save._ "But you're fucking scary and you eat too much." She glowered and he took a few steps back. "Catty!"

Catty gave a flirtatious grin.

"You're... you're really... something else." _And another one!_ "But you kept trying to hurt Tianna and you're way too clingy. Sara!"

"Serena!"

"Serena. You're pretty and you shut up for most of the time so... I don't really have anything bad to say about you."

Serena smiled, unsure of whether to take this as a compliment or not.

"Cassandra!"

Cassandra pushed Serena out of the way and bounced jovially in front of Stanton. "Yes?"

"I fucking hate you. I would have voted you off sooner if possible, but the producers are sympathetic and they're making me keep you this time around so you got lucky. I cannot possibly reveal everything I hate about you during air time so I typed this one thousand word paper specifically for you." He handed it to her and she walked away, dumbstruck.

"Tianna!"

Tianna tried to stay hidden, as her hair was still covered with potato and now dirt, muck, and other undesirable substances from the McDonald's floor.

"You're beautiful. You have the prettiest eyes and I love your hair. Even when it's all muddy like that-"

An executive tapped him on the shoulder. "Can you please get on with it?"

Stanton scowled at the man, but decided against argument. He couldn't ruin his big chance to prove the Atrox wrong. "Well it was hard choice," _Yeah right_. Stanton paused. "But I'm going to elimidate..." He paused some more. "The one I'm going to elimidate is..."

"JUST FUCKING SAY IT!" Jimena screamed, losing her cool.

"... Yendo al elimidate..."

He pointed to Serena.

"S-S-S-Catty! C-C-C- Catty!" He had to keep from giggling. He always wanted to do that since he saw Bring it On...

"HAHA!" Tianna laughed.

"WHAT?!" Catty boomed. "B- but I'm the biggest whore on here! The guys always vote for the biggest whores!"

"Well, I'm not just your average guy. Goodbye." He waved. _Bye, you crazy, nymphomaniac, violent, sex- obsessed bitch_.

The body guards had started to drag her away, but she was still fighting. "THIS ISN'T THE LAST OF ME! YOU'LL HEAR FROM MY PIMP! I'M COMIN BACK FOR THAT ASS!"

Stanton shook his head. Kids these days. Normally he liked under-aged chicks, but Catty was an exception to that rule.

* * *

CONFESSION ROOM

"Fuck Stanton!" Catty roared into the camera. "He wouldn't know a good woman if she landed on his head! The problem here isn't me! I'm just too much woman for Stanton to handle!"

"Karma, bitch", Tianna laughed incessantly. "That's all it is. Don't mess with Ti-ti."

* * *

Stanton sighed hopelessly. Four more days of this bullshit. Four more days! And he had barely survived this one. He was even growing less fond of Tianna... He jumped as his cell phone began to ring and a smirk slipped over his lips. Perhaps it was the Atrox calling to tell him that he had him all wrong and he was definitely not a homosexual, cradle-robbing slob. He retrieved the phone from his pocket and flipped it open. "Hello?"

"Stanton!"

"Karyl!"

Stanton felt all warm and fuzzy inside. It was good to hear a male voice that wasn't yelling for him to hurry up or warding him off from the donut table...

"Did you see my show? I-"

"You're the laughing stock of Nefandus!"

"WHAT?!"

"The Atrox thinks that you're even more gay than before!"

Stanton nearly pulled his hair out as he mentally scanned the day in his head. Where did he go wrong? "Where did I go wrong?"

"You voted off the slut!"

Stanton raised an eyebrow. "Catty? She was way too clingy. Ew."

"Stanton!"

"What?!"

"You sound more homo by the minute."

"Well, she was!"

Karyl sighed. "Look, man. Why don't you just forget about this whole Elimidate thing and come home?"

"Really?" Stanton's bottom lip quivered. His dingy old apartment sounded pretty good right now.

"Yeah. There's no need to hide your sexuality. The boss'll get used to it."

"I'M NOT GAY!"

"Well, if you say so!"

"Teach me Karyl. Teach me how to be straight."

"Well..." Karyl started. "First you have to get rid of that quiet chick. Serena."

"But why?!" Stanton argued. "She's the only one that knows how to shut up!"

Karyl took a deep breath. "Looks like I've got my work cut out for me..."

* * *

Wow... I can see the flames coming already. Not only did I heavily bash in this chapter, but I sucked. But at least I'm writing, eh? I'll get betteeeer. Beliiiiieeeve me. And I know the characters are OUT THERE! Especially Catty's and Tianna's. And of course Stanton's. But Im just trying to embody the drama on Elimidate at the same time. I'm making fun of two things here lol

**_OH YES AND PLEASE HELP ME WITH THIS! I NEED PLACES! GIVE ME PLACES THEY CAN GO! And I don't mean out of town._** Your ideas are also always welcome. And don't fear. Catty will be back. If that's not a good thing for you, sorry Lol


	4. Hetero Teachings of Karyl the Follower

**I'm baaaa-aaaack. And sooner than expected. This chapter is weirdish. It's kind of a prologue to the next chapter. There will probably be one of these before each Elimidate day. Don't worry, Im working on the next chapter right now. This wasn't supposed to be this long and was initially going to lead into the Elimidate Day. I didn't mean to ramble so much... Sorry.

* * *

**

Close by, in a small nondescript apartment building in Los Angeles, sat a blonde young woman. Or was she old? Middle- aged perhaps? People could scarcely tell. Even those close to her. Speaking of which, two teenage girls stood outside in the hallway, pounding frantically on her door.

"Déje entrarme! LET ME IN!"

"Jimena..." Serena gave an embarrassed grin as a terrified old woman tip toed pass the girls.

Jimena started to remove something hard and black from her pocket when, finally, the hinges creaked and the door swung open.

"Hi girls!" The woman-whose-age-could-not-be-determined beamed.

"Hi Maggie!" They beamed back.

"I made cookies!" The woman held up a plate of big, round chocolate chip cookies and their smiles slowly deteriorated. Neither of them had the heart to admit how much they hated Maggie's baking. So both of them immediately grabbed a cookie and shoved it into their mouths.

"So," Maggie closed the door, her usual warm glow fading away. "What do you have for me?"

Jimena forced the rock hard dough down her throat. "_Alfrutado_. Definitely homosexual."

Maggie frowned. "Anything important?"

Jimena paused, warily. "... nada."

Maggie bit her bottom lip and the two girls exchanged worried glances. Maggie was getting angry.

And they_ knew_ what happened when Maggie got angry...

"Nada?!"

The girls trembled.

"I send you two _imbeciles _out to do _fucking_ child's play and you come back with _nada_?!"

They nodded slowly.

"Didn't you get his _agenda_? His _whereabouts_? _His favorite sex position_? ANYTHING?!"

"No, ma'am." They squeaked in unison.

"You're a disgrace to the moon!"

"Yes, ma'am."

"IDIOTS!"

"We know."

"Why back in my day..."

The girls sighed as Maggie went on about lynches and guillotines and dozens of other deathly devices.

"... but nooo! Kids these days can run around like a chicken with it's head cut off and not even get a smack on the hand. Spare the rod! Spoil the child! That's what I always say..."

Jimena removed her purple Razor cell phone from her purse and Serena began to practice her cello. They were going to be there for a while...

An hour later...

"... and I slapped him across the face, I did! I said... ARE YOU GIRLS LISTENING TO ME?!"

Jimena, who had been talking to Collin, immediately slammed her phone shut and Serena, who was in the middle of Pachelbel's Canon, tossed her cello across the room.

"Yes, ma'am!"

Maggie snarled, an icy fire raging in her blue eyes. "And where are the rest of you? You know... the blonde one... and... those other two..."

"Vanessa, Catty, and Tianna?"

"Don't correct me, child."

"Yes, ma'am." Serena swallowed hard. "Catty had to ... work tonight. Tianna's still washing the mud out of her hair, and Vanessa... well, she's just scared of you."

"Besides," Jimena added. "They don't even know what's going on. When we found out who Stanton was, Vanessa almost gave away our cover. We had to sneak away from them to call you."

Maggie froze for a few seconds. Then, taking the plate of cookies, she flung them across the room. Serena and Jimena nearly jumped at the crash, but at the least, it meant no more cookies...

"Foolish girls..." Maggie hissed before rounding on them. "And what were _you_ thinking? YOU!" She pointed at Serena, who nearly dove off of the couch she was seated on.

"Speak up! You're too quiet!"

"But-"

"You've got a nice body! Learn how to use it!"

Serena and Jimena stared at each other in awe.

"And you!"

Jimena gulped. "Yes, ma'am?"

"Act like you've got some goddamn sense, child! And no more of _that_!" She pointed at the girl's baggy jeans and extra large navy blue T. "Dress the part." Smoothing her white sun dress down, she made her way across the room. "Well now," A wide, sickeningly sweet grin spread across Maggie's thin pink lips as she removed a few cookies from the rug. "A little dirt never hurt anyone, hm?"

The girls started to whimper.

* * *

"Stanton."

"..."

"Stanton?"

"..."

"Stanton!"

"_What_?" An annoyed Stanton blinked at the television screen. "Can't you see I'm watching Sailor Moon?! This is the episode when Darien finds out who Serena _really_-"

Karyl flicked the TV off and Stanton went ballistic.

"I WAS WATCHING THAT!" He ran for the remote, but Karyl just moved out of the way.

"No, Stanton." Karyl frowned solemnly. As much he loved Sailor Moon, he had made a promise and he would keep it. "You're watching it for all the wrong reasons!"

"I-"

"Do you think Sailor Moon looks good in that fuku?"

Stanton rolled his eyes. "Well, duh, Karyl. She_ is_ under aged and hot, but damn, that Tuxedo Mask-"

"See what I mean?" Karyl sighed, running an anxious hand through his dark, curly hair. He'd been up all day trying to reform Stanton with no such luck, and he hadn't had anytime to perfect his spikes. "We're gonna watch a _real _man's show." He flicked the television back on and turned to channel five.

Stanton cocked an eyebrow as a bunch of tall, muscular men scrambled over a field. He frowned.

"I can't see their faces."

"You're not supposed to."

"Why?"

"They have to wear helmets."

"Why?"

"Because football is a dangerous sport." Karyl clenched his fist. This was like dealing with a five year old...

Stanton squinted hard at the screen. "What's that little brown thing?"

"... that's the football, Stanton..."

"...oh..."

Karyl swallowed hard. Okay, so sports weren't working. Maybe Stanton could be one of those artistic types. He better fit the dark and brooding category anyway and chicks loved that type...

"New plan!" Karyl flicked the television off. "Do you play an instrument?"

Stanton thought about it. "Just the accordion."

Karyl slapped a hand to his face. Of all the things to play... "Pick an instrument."

"Well..." A dreamy look floated across Stanton's face. "I always wanted to play the har-"

"The guitar. Right. Be right back." An exasperated Karyl stepped out of the apartment. A few seconds later screams of horror came from the apartment across the hall and Karyl stepped back in with a brand new black and white guitar.

"Nice." Stanton smirked. "Who'd you steal it from?"

Karyl polished his new guitar. "That wimpy human across the hall. Mark. The one all the followers rip on."

Mark's tortured howls could be heard all over the building. It was a wonder that he hadn't moved away yet.

"You have to learn to play this..." Karyl held the guitar up. "By tomorrow morning."

Stanton groaned. "I'm boooored, Karyl. Let's do something else." He rolled off of the couch and gave Karyl... _The Look_.

"Karyl" he rang in a sing song voice.

Gulping, Karyl slowly began to shake his head. "Oh no. Not that again, Stanton. I thought you wanted to be straight!"

Stanton started towards him. "So I'll be straight_ tomorrow_!"

"You can't just be gay one day and straight the next! It doesn't work that way!" Karyl was nearly pulling his hair out now.

"Come _on_, Karyl!" Stanton reached for him.

"I'm not coming on!" Karyl started to back away.

"I'll let you do it this time."

"You have to be straight for Elimidate!" Karyl ducked as Stanton went for his waist.

"_Fuck Elimidate!_" he snapped, missing the boy yet again.

Karyl bit his lip. Stanton was starting to look like one pissed off minion of darkness. And that was just an understatement. He groaned as Stanton dissolved into shadow. The door was only about four feet away. Maybe if he ran_ really_ fast...

Too late. He gasped as a hand took him by the wrist and heaved him straight across the room onto a Spongebob water bed.

"You can't do this!"

"I can do whatever I want!_ I'm the fucking Prince of Night_!"

"But the girls-"

"WHO GIVES A DAMN ABOUT THE GIRLS?!" Stanton bellowed. "I'M TIRED OF GIRLS! CAN'T I JUST FUCK _ONE_ GUY?!"

"..."

They both fearfully looked up to see the Atrox glowering at them from the doorway.

A look of disgust had formed on its shadowy features.

As expected, Stanton sent Karyl flying to the opposite side of the room.

"What were you two doing?" The Atrox demanded as Karyl made impact with the wall.

"W-we were..." Stanton scrambled for an explanation. "We were-"

"Practicing," Karyl finished.

"For the annual Follower's play!"

The Atrox cocked an eyebrow. "I wasn't aware that there _was_ an annual Follower's play."

"It's a surprise!" They both grinned widely.

"A play has been going on behind my back every year for the past centuries?"

"That's why it's a surprise." Stanton explained.

"I see..." The Atrox started to walk away before stopping abruptly and giving them both a suspicious look. "Are you sure you weren't just trying to rape Karyl?"

Stanton gasped loudly, putting on his usual Convincing-The-Atrox-That-I'm-Not-Gay act "Noooooooo. How could you think such a thing?! ... Right Karyl?"

Karyl tried to look more sincere and less murderous. "Right."

The Atrox stared at them for a while longer before shaking his head and heading down the hallway. They could hear Mark screaming a minute later about tall shadowy creatures.

"Dammit, Stanton!" Karyl scolded, when the Atrox was out of earshot. "Now he thinks _I'm_ gay too!"

"Well, you _are_, aren't you?"

"... maybe a little."

Stanton grabbed at his shaggy blonde bangs and growled. "I can't depend on a gay guy to teach me how to be straight!"

"Well, do you know any straight guys?"

They both silenced in thought.

"... nope."

"Me neither."

Stanton frowned. "What about that Michael kid? Vanessa's boyfriend?"

Karyl raised an eyebrow. "Well, if she has a boyfriend, why is she competing for you?"

Stanton gave him an annoyed look. "Why is the sky blue, Karyl? Why is Tianna around when she doesn't show up for another four books? Why am I not with Serena already? _Why aren't I straight?_!"

Karyl swallowed hard. "Okay, I see your point. But you'd just turn Michael gay anyway. He's only straight because the script calls for it..."

"True..."

Karyl sighed. "I guess I'm as close to straight you're going to get." He retrieved the guitar from the carpet where he'd left it. "I'll teach you, but you have to pay attention! And no more trying to rape me!"

Stanton reluctantly agreed.

"Now, first of all, the whores stay! Prudes go. Got that?"

Stanton nodded.

"Secondly, we'll work on your delivery. 'Favorite cartoon characters?' What was _that_?"

Stanton shrugged, an irritated expression on his face. He couldn't think of anything better to ask...

"Thirdly, you're the man! And you can't let those two dark haired bitches boss you around!"

Stanton trembled slightly. Stand up to Jimena? That didn't sound particularly safe...

Karyl rolled his eyes as Mulan's _I'll Make a Man Out of You_ started to play in the background. He felt a montage coming on...


	5. SECOND ROUND: STANTON THE RAPIST

**AUTHORS NOTE**: Okay. This is a long one -- I guess I had a sudden urge of inspiration and I warn you... it's pretty crazy. Lots of twists and turns everywhere that I wasn't even depending on. I have to credit **Nymbis** for the idea for them to go to a petting zoo and **Jupiter-Lightening** and **Kikyou-Bellflower** for the mall idea. Thanks **Sesshy's Number 1 Lady** for making that idea even better. Sorry **Elephantsrocmysox**, but I don't have much experience with laser tag so I'd probably make a lot of mistakes. Lol. Oh and the McDonald's song is not mine. Just like everything else in this story.

* * *

Stanton strolled down the street in slow motion, Offspring's _Pretty Fly_ playing in the background. The heads of several women turned (and a few guys) as he made his way down the block. His dirty blonde tresses flowed silkily in the wind thanks to Karyl's hair cream. He could see diminished sun rays through his shades and he wasn't sure which star shined brighter. He looked down at his black blazer and equally dark pants to make sure that there were no stains or blemishes. Today had to be perfect. He would give the Atrox no reason to doubt his heterosexuality. As he made his way towards Elimidate studios, he stopped to gaze at his reflection in the window panes.

_Damn, I look good_. If only reflections were real... _I'd so do me._

"Stanton?"

He spun around to find a girl looking up at him. And for being female, she didn't look half bad. Dark, loose curls fell down her back and spiraled about her dark brown eyes. Her lips were naturally full, giving her a pouty look. She wore a sleeveless off-the-shoulder lavender top with black denim low riding capris. Black sandals with glittery designs were strapped over her ankles. She seemed rather annoyed...

Stanton scratched the back of his head, awkwardly. "Do I_ know _you?"

The girl raised an eyebrow and put her hands to her hips. "Are you _loco, vato_?! It's me! Jimena!"

Stanton gaped. "You? But you can't be-" He noticed the teardrop tattoos beneath her eyes._ Hot damn..._

"You were saying?" Jimena sneered, playing a little bit too roughly with her large golden hoop earrings. Apparently, she wasn't very happy about her new look.

"You look um..." _Be suave_. Karyl's voice sounded in the back of his head. "You look really good, Jimena."

"_Gracias._" She responded as if random people told her this everyday. "Too bad I can't say the same for you."

Stanton felt his blood bubbling. Why was she making this hard for him? He fought his anger and gave her what he hoped was a smirk. "Too bad I'm the one making the decisions around here. I'd watch what I say if I were you."

Jimena crossed her arms and shot him a searing look. "Is that a_ threat_?"

"Maybe." He challenged, through clenched teeth. Who knows what he'd say if he completely let go.

"You guuuuuuys!" A familiar voice whined from behind them. "Stop fighting!"

Stanton sighed. He didn't have to turn around to know whose sugary sweet voice this was... "Hi Vanessa."

"Oh, my Gawd! Stanton!" Vanessa's long, blonde ponytail bounced back and forth behind her as she ran for him. "You look soooooo handsome!"

"Thanks," he mumbled, trying to keep his balance as she leaped into his arms. The sickeningly sweet smell of designer perfume filled his nostrils.

"How do I look?" She grinned widely.

He stared at her. Hyper? Pink? Over processed? He could think of a million things... "You look great." He put on a false smile and she kissed him lightly on the cheek before blushing and giggling.

"I knew you'd think so!" Jumping to the pavement, she smoothed her hot pink mini dress down and attempted to hold a light conversation with Jimena while ignoring the irritated glare the girl was giving her.

Soon a pair of heels could be heard clicking against the pavement as Tianna entered the picture. As usual, her hair swayed seductively down her back, the wind fanning a few glossy strands over her eyes. She wore shades as well, but they were diamond rimmed, matching perfectly with her sleeveless, body fitting denim jump suit, the diamond studded Baby Phat cat gracing the back. She put a hand to her perfect lips and yawned as she approached them. "Let's get this over with. I have places to be."

Stanton fought the urge to kneel at her feet and beg her to stay. After all_, real _men didn't beg. Instead, he ignored her and turned towards that_ other _girl. The one in the zebra colored bell bottoms with the black tube top. She brushed back her shoulder length dark hair as she talked in hushed whispers with Jimena.

"Hey!" Stanton called, unsure of her name.

The girl immediately spun around, a broad smile on her lips. "Stanton!" she called out, with what seemed like forced enthusiasm. "I missed you."

He flashed her his devilish grin. It had taken him and Karyl at least three hours to perfect it so it had damn well better work. "I missed you too er... um..."

The girl's smile deflated. "Serena."

"I knew that!" He lied. "Just... kidding with you..." Serena. Serena. Serena. He had to remember this time. "So girls!" He started, placing a hand on Jimena's shoulder. "Ready to go?"

The girl pulled away. "We're missing Cassandra."

Stanton winced. "I had hoped you wouldn't notice."

"Huh?"

"Nevermind..."

"Stantooooon!"

He grimaced as two fishnet clothed arms wrapped around his waist.

"Where are we going today, darling?!"

Stanton pried Cassandra off of his waist and down to his feet, where he stepped out of her embrace. "Well the producers decided that it's up to you five. Any ideas?"

"How about..." Cassandra began, as she picked herself up from the ground. "We go the Dungeon?"

"Planet Bang!" Serena whooped. She seemed particularly excited...

"Red Lobster!" Jimena bellowed before Serena shoved her lightly in the side. "I mean er... shopping..."

"Oooooh!" Vanessa's eyes lit up. "I loooove shopping!"

"I'm sure you do." Stanton frowned.

"Well, I do need some new underwear." Tianna called from her isolated corner.

Well, that settled it. "Then shopping it is. What else?"

Vanessa slowly raised her hand. He sighed.

"Yes Vanessa?"

"Let's go to the petting zoo!" She gave him a smile sweet enough to induce fear in any diabetic.

"The petting zoo?" he laughed. "No one wants to go to the petting zoo, Vane-"

"I like the petting zoo!" Serena smiled.

Tianna scoffed. "As long as I don't have to touch anything."

"Stanton and I went to a petting zoo for our first date..."

He turned to Jimena. Surely_ she_ wouldn't put up with this. The girl smiled at him and shrugged. "_Bueno_. I've always had a soft spot for animals."

* * *

"Awwwwww!" Vanessa cooed. "That one looks just like Stanton!"

Stanton rolled his eyes as a chorus of "awww"s rang from the pig pen.

"It does!" Serena agreed, patting the piglet gently over the head. It nuzzled her hand and snorted softly at her.

Tianna stood under the _Petey's Petting Zoo_ sign, applying her lip gloss.

Cassandra pulled a camera from her black handbag. "You two take a picture!"

Stanton snorted. "No way." He knew what Cassandra did with those pictures...

"_Parada_!" Jimena rolled her eyes. "Leave him alone. That's an insult. No one wants to look like _that_..."

Stanton gave her a half smile. He was starting to like her a little bit more. And she _did_ look good. Maybe he didn't have to put up with Tianna's bitching after all... "Thanks, Jimena."

The girl raised an eyebrow. "I meant the pig, _vato_." She leaned down to give the animal a sympathetic pat on the back. "It's okay. You don't look anything like that _payaso_ over there, eh? Those girls need their eyes checked..." The pig gave a happy snort.

The girls all turned to look at Stanton. Cassandra and Vanessa looked fearful while the rest of them seemed to have a problem holding back laughter...

Stanton clenched his fists tightly, trying to suppress the urge to blast everything in a five hundred mile radius. This was going to be televised, dammit! Maybe if he could get a hold of the tape... He heard a snicker come from Serena's direction and looked up, unable to hide the fire in his eyes.

"Something funny?"

She seemed taken back. "Um-"

"No, he's right, Serena." Jimena protectively stepped in front of the girl. "I was just telling the truth. Nothing funny about that." She sneered. "It's kinda sad when you think about I-"

"You know, Jimena", he seethed. "If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were after Suri instead of me."

"Serena!"

"No, unfortunately, I'm stuck here competing for a_ puta_ like you!"

Stanton's eyes widened. _Oh, no. She. Di-idn't_.

"Yes, she did!" A few onlookers called.

Stanton gulped. He'd said that out loud?

Serena tapped a hysterical Jimena on the shoulder. "Maggie's going to_ kill _you."

"Whose Maggie?" Stanton challenged. "Your girlfriend?"

Jimena stepped forward and Vanessa had to take her by the shoulders. "Better her than a punk ass like you! She's more man than you'll _ever _be!"

Serena slapped a hand to her forehead at the double insult. Apparently, they were up to their necks in hot water with this Maggie person now.

"Right." Stanton countered. "And I'll bet you're more man than the two of us put together."

Cassandra, Serena, and Vanessa had all banned together to hold Jimena back now. Tianna just sat on a nearby bench, a faint glint of amusement in her eyes.

"Stop the violence!" Vanessa cried, her mascara running.

"Leave my Stanton alone!"

"Be quiet, Jimena!"

Jimena had exploded in loud bursts of Spanish now and Serena was struggling to cover her mouth.

Stanton danced tauntingly in front of her while the others held her back.

"Stanton, STOP IT!" Vanessa sobbed.

"Shut up, Jimena!"

"Stanton you are _so_ funny!"

"You're scaring the horses, sir!"

"Pleeeeeeeaaaase! Stop thiiiis!"

"SIR, YOU'RE SCARING THE HORSES!"

"HAHAHAHA-EEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"

"Oh my!"

"HELP ME!"

"I tried to tell you..."

"I DON'T WANNA DIE! I DON'T WANNA-"

"JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

They all turned to look at the Serena, with the exception of Stanton who was being chased around by a trail of wild horses.

"AM I THE ONLY ONE HERE WITH ANY GODDAMN SENSE?!"

They blinked.

"I guess so..." She started taking deep breaths. "I'm okay. I'm Ooooookay."

Vanessa reached for her.

"I'm okay!" she snapped.

Jimena took her by the shoulders. "In and out. Just like the doctor said."

Serena continued to breathe in and out for a few moments before finally exhaling one last time and smiling. "Ahem." She turned to an appalled petting zoo worker. "Will you please get those horses? They're attacking that man."

The woman slowly nodded before running towards a horrified Stanton and a circle of angry, blood hungry horses.

* * *

Awkward silence floated over a cheap mall food court table as five girls and a boy sat staring grudgingly at each other.

"So..." Vanessa attempted to strike up a conversation. "Don't you have any questions you want to ask?"

Stanton gave her a piercing look that would have sent any girl diving under the table and Vanessa was no exception.

"Aw." Serena frowned as she tried to drag the girl out. "You scared her."

"Fuck you." And with that, Stanton tossed a french fry in his mouth.

Tianna glowered down at her burger and fries. "Fast food again?"

"You'll eat it and like it."

Tianna shot him a death glare. "I don't have to _like_ anything! I'm the hottest-"

"_Chica_, shut up." Jimena picked at her chicken nuggets.

"It's the truth!"

"Hey Tianna," Stanton laughed, a crazy look in his eyes. "You wanna know the truth? I'll tell you the truth. One day you're going to get old, wrinkle up, and die."

Tianna gasped. This was obviously news to her.

"No. No, you won't even live that long. The Atrox is going to try and make you have the heir to his kingdom. _Then_ you're going to sacrifice yourself and _die _a _virgin_!"

Stanton laughed hysterically as a sobbing Tianna joined Vanessa under the table.

"Hey!" Serena jumped up, not bothering to ask Stanton how he knew all of this. "Stop being an asshole! They may be stupid, but they're only human!"

"Hahaheeeeeee!" Stanton slapped his knee.

"Stop laughing!" Serena pleaded.

"HAHAHAHAHAHEEEEEEEHAHAHAHA- OUCH!"

Jimena had slapped him straight across the jaw. He rubbed his jaw and gave her an irritated look, but inwardly, he was grateful. He needed that... His consumption of femininity had been too great. He was bound to lose it at some point...

"So..." he began as a red faced Tianna and Vanessa crawled back into their seats. "What's the... wildest thing you guys have ever done?"

"Oh!" Cassandra squealed. "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

Stanton groaned.

"PICK ME!"

"Vanessa?"

"Well," Vanessa brightened up like a light bulb. "There was this one time at Disney Land-"

"Sexually."

Vanessa gasped. "_What_ did you say?"

"Sex." Stanton explained. "It's this thing that you do when you want to make babies. But most people do it for fun. _Capiche_?"

Vanessa's eyes widened. "I have to have..." She glanced around, nervously and lowered her voice. "... _sex_ to make babies?"

"The wildest thing I've ever done... was peck my ex-boyfriend in the back of his car," Serena blushed a little.

Tianna gave a derisive laugh. "Well, aren't you the party animal?"

Serena rolled her eyes. "You think you can do better?"

Tianna crossed her arms. "The wildest thing_ I've_ ever done was make out with this guy in the back of Planet Bang. _And_ there was tongue."

Vanessa looked terrified.

"ME! RIGHT HERE! PICK ME!"

Stanton turned, reluctantly, to the other raven haired girl. "Jimena?"

Jimena snorted. "You don't want to know."

He _really, really, really_ didn't want to know. Nevertheless... "Enlighten me."

Jimena sighed. "Fine... So I was with Veto, right? And we had jacked this taxi. So we were drivin around pickin people up and keepin em hostage. So Veto decided to play a game. That's when things got _loco_..."

Twenty minutes later...

"Then we let them all go except for that one hot business guy. We kept him." She grinned devilishly. "We left the taxi in the junkyard. It was too fucked up to use anymore. Literally, you know?"

No one laughed. They were all staring at Jimena with the utmost disgust. Stanton was supporting an unconscious Vanessa and Tianna and Serena were both inching away from their fellow daughter. Stanton was so sickened that he didn't realize that Cassandra was now clutching his waist.

"_You _asked." Jimena shrugged. "I told you, you didn't wanna know."

"I-I thought you said you were a virgin." Serena stammered.

"I am!"

They all stared at her.

"Penetration wise..."

"But you said-"

"The_ other_ penetration."

"Oh..."

They all pushed their happy meals away and Jimena happily gathered them up on her side of the table.

"Pick... me," Cassandra whined, defeated.

Stanton looked down at her. "Will you get off me?"

She smiled widely and released her grip. "The wildest thing I've ever done happened approximately five years, three months, one week, two days, three hours, and ten minutes ago."

Stanton groaned.

"My beloved Stanton picked me up to take me out on a date."

"I honked the horn until you came out."

"Then he met my mom and dad!"

"They tried to drag you out of the car."

"My mom loved him!"

"She called the police..."

"Then he took me to this awesome club!"

"The Dungeon."

"We sat at one of the booths and talked _all_ night."

"I was turning you into a follower."

"Then we got back in your car." She sighed romantically. "I was ecstatic!"

"You were crying."

"We got to his place in Hollywood"

"My dirty apartment..."

"And he kicked this blonde guy in speedos out of his Spongebob water bed-"

He clamped his hand over her mouth. "Okay! That's enough!"

"But I was just getting to the good part!" she protested through his hand.

"I know! I was there, remember?!"

"HI KIDS!"

They all turned around slowly to see Ronald McDonald grinning widely at them. "How about some _FUN_?!"

"Um, no..." Stanton pointed to a group of toddlers across the court. "How about you ask_ them_?"

Ronald frowned. "They laughed and called me names. You guys are my new best friends!" He wrapped Serena and Jimena in bear hugs.

Stanton was starting to get pissed off...

"Who wants a balloooooon?"

Vanessa popped up out of Stanton's arms. "I WANT A BALLOON!"

Ronald gave a looney giggle. Stanton _hated_ looney giggles... Almost as much as he hated Cassandra.

"Sure, little girl! What kind do you want?!"

"A princess hat!"

"A princess hat!" He chuckled. "Well, you're in luck, sweetie!" He pulled out a pink balloon and blew it up. "Cuz that just happens to be my specialty!"

Vanessa beamed as he molded the plastic into a princess hat and squealed in delight. "Oh, it's gorgeous Ronald!" She smiled widely.

"I_ love _to see you smile! Hoho!" He turned to Serena. "And what do you want, beautiful?"

Stanton gritted his teeth in anger. This was_ his_ Elimidate. He was supposed to be the one spouting out 'beautiful's here!

"I'd like a cello!"

"One cello comin up!" He winked at her as he twisted a red balloon into what looked a lot like a toilet plunger... "Here ya go!"

Serena gave him a genuine grin. "Thanks, Ronald."

Ronald turned to Jimena. "And you, honeybunch?"

Stanton gagged.

"I want guns!" Jimena mimicked pulling a trigger. "Big ones!"

Ronald laughed as if dealing with an imaginative four year old. "A gangster, are we?"

Jimena laughed. "You have no idea."

"Well, Bonnie" Ronald snorted at his corny little joke. "The good folks here at McDonald's and I don't support violence. How about a nice princess hat like your friend here?"

Jimena's eyes hardened. "I don't _do _princess hats, _payaso_."

Ronald swallowed hard.

"What's wrong, Ronald?" Stanton asked. "Can't make a few guns? I thought you were supposed to be the shit."

"Language, young man!" Ronald backed away from Jimena and grinned widely at him.

Stanton glared back.

"Someone's a little _CRANKY TODAY_!"

Stanton mumbled something about stupid clowns.

"Did you miss your bedtime, little maaaan?"

Stanton growled. "I'm _warning_ you, Ronald."

"Do you want me to sing you a _SONG_?"

"Go _away_, Ronald!"

"He said go away, _vato_!" An annoyed Jimena threatened.

_"Big Mac,_

_McDLT,_

_a Quarter Pounder with some Cheese,_

_Filet-o-Fish,_

_A Hamburger,_

_A Cheeseburger,_

_A Happy Meal,_

_Mc Nuggests,_

_tasty, golden French Fries: regular or large size-_

"Shut up, Ronald!" They both yelled in unision.

_"Big, Big Breakfast,_

_Egg McMuffin,_

_Hot, Hot Cakes and Sausage,_

_maybe Biscuits-_

"SHUT UP, RONALD!"

Ronald towered over Stanton, his smile nearly blocking out his eyes. " I think I know what _yoooou _neeeed."

_Hug me and I will kill you_.

"HOW ABOUT A..." Ronald pulled out a blue balloon and started to twist it in all sorts of different directions. "HORSEY! TADA!"

Stanton trembled all over, his eyes glowing phosphorescent. Ronald's smile quickly melted away. "Y- young man?" He moved towards the exit as Stanton started to flare up like one of those Dragon Ball Z guys with gravity defying hair. "Um-"

"RONAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALD!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH!"

Ronald McDonald's shrieks of pain could be heard all over the mall...

* * *

The girls, with the exception of Jimena, strayed as far behind Stanton as they could manage while walking through the rest of the mall.

"Did you see the look on his face when you blasted him into that palm tree?!"

"I know! And what about when I poured the hot fries on his back?!"

"That was a good one, _vato_!"

"Ahem!" An angry Serena cleared her throat.

"I mean um..." Jimena glared at Stanton. "What the _hell_ is wrong with you?! You don't just go around beating up clowns like that!" She shoved him in the stomach and he doubled over. "Dumbass..." She walked back towards the rest of the girls. "So where are we going next?"

"How about the shoe store?" Tianna stepped over Stanton as he rolled around on the floor in agony. His eyes lit up.

"Did someone say shoes?"

They all gave him inquiring looks, except Cassandra who was perfectly aware of his less than straight tendencies.

"I mean, um!" He jumped up. "Sure. Why not?"

He walked into Baker's and swallowed hard as Vanessa bent down to look at a pair of black two inch heeled boots. "Sweetie, those are _not _for you."

Vanessa turned around. "Stanton, did you say something?"

"No." he squeaked.

"You sure?"

"Mmhm."

She gave her trademark sugary sweet smile and pulled one of the boots on. "How do these look on me?"

_Oh. My. God. Those shoes suck_. "Um..." He rocked back and forth.

"Stanton?"

He knocked down a sandal display from rocking so hard. "Um... They're okay."

Vanessa smiled and took them to the check out counter. "Thanks, Stanton!"

He bit his lip. _You poor baby_.

"Stanton!" Serena called.

"Yes... Serena?"

"You finally remembered my name." She smirked.

"So I did..."

"Look what I found!" She held up a pair of blue and white platforms.

"Those shoes rule!"

Her eyes widened. "_What?_"

"I mean! They'll look good on you." _And even better on me._

He looked back to see her eying him suspiciously.

He started to fidget with his shades. What was _her_ problem? Could she read _minds_ or something?

"Hey you!" Stanton turned to see Tianna beckoning him.

"Hm?"

She held up one long, tanned leg.

His eyes trailed over every curve. "_Very_ nice."

She rolled her eyes. "I meant the shoes, you perv."

"Oh..." He looked down to see the perfect silvery white sandals on her feet. However... He bit his lip.

She cocked her head. "What is it?"

"Mmmph."

"Stanton?"

"Mmmmmppph."

"What's wrong?"

"What's wrong?!" He exploded. "What's wrong?! Honey, let me tell you what's wrong." He pulled her down on a bench. "First of all, sweetie, that color isn't good for your skin tone at _all_. Off white would be perfect or maybe a pearly silver." He yanked the shoes off of her feet causing her to fall to the carpet. He pulled a red pump from the shelf. "This would look _so _good on you, sweetie. Come on! Work with me here. Push!" He tried to force the shoes on her feet before his blazer pocket began to vibrate. Still forcing the shoe on a resisting Tianna, he answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"Stanton!"

"Oh my GOD, Karyl! You won't believe these shoes!"

"Stanton?!"

"WHAT?!"

"You're on TV!"

"I'm on..."

"TV!"

"I'm on TV?" He turned around to see the camera and immediately dropped his hold on Tianna's foot. "We... we have to get out of here.." Grabbing Tianna and the rest of the girls, he darted out of the shoe store. He would have to thank Karyl later...

Tianna and Serena were both giving him strange looks.

"_What?_"

They both rapidly shook their heads.

_Betta had_...

"Let's go to Wet Seal!" Vanessa pointed towards a clothing store. Stanton sighed. Now _that_, he could handle.

Wet Seal was a breeze. All he had to do was sit around and say "yes" to everything they asked excluding the occasional "Does this make me look fat?".

"Does this dress make me look fat, Stanton?" Vanessa asked, as she primped and posed in a mirror.

"No, Vanessa," he told her for the sixth time before wrapping his arms around her waist from behind. Karyl said girls liked that and sure enough she was giggling.

"You're just saying that!"

"If anything you should gain some weight." He smirked at her from the mirror and she giggled some more. _Dayum_, he looked good. He could just eat himself up.

Vanessa's eyebrows crinkled.

"What is it?"

"Why is that guy so_ black_?"

Stanton's eyes widened. He had taken Vanessa to be a lot of things, but a racist wasn't one of them. "What are you talking about?"

She motioned towards the right and he saw what she meant. There was a man as black as tar flirting with a woman at the counter. He wore a brown trench coat with a matching hat and groucho marx glasses. He shook his head. He had told the Atrox about his disguises, but did he listen? Noooo- THE ATROX?! Jumping away from Vanessa, he headed towards the back of the store.

"Stan-"

"SHHHHHH!" He didn't want the Atrox to see him here. In Wet Seal. Why couldn't he have showed up when he was doing something more manly like throwing Ronald around the food court?

He dove into the dressing room, ignoring the screams of several teenagers and young women. Finally he found an unoccupied stall and jumped in to find-

"IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"SHHHHH!"

"_Pervertido! Que hace usted aqui dentre?! Salga_!"

"Jimena, please!"

"GET OUT!"

"SHUT UP!" He pressed a hand over her lips. "It's not what you think! I'm not-AGH!"

She slapped him across the face with a leather belt.

"FUCK!" he cried, reaching for her wrists.

"_Parada_! Let me go!" She kicked him in the shins and he fell down, moaning. Of all the people to get stuck in a fitting room with... As his vision cleared, he looked up to see what all the fuss was about. He gulped noticing, for the first time, that all she was wearing was a black sports bra and matching boy shorts.

"Get _out, vato_." She threatened, venom in every word.

"I-I can't!" He stood up to brush himself off.

"Just go to another stall!"

He nodded. _Good idea._.. " I can't wait for eliminations tonight!"

"Neither can I!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

_Good riddance.._. He slowly opened the door to find a pair of deep hungry eyes were peering into the fitting area. Nearly shitting himself, he dove back into the stall.

"What are you doing?!" she hissed.

"I can't go back out there!" He pleaded. He wondered why the Atrox was there at Wet Seal... He'd always known that the embodiment of evil was perverted but this was a bit much...

"Get. OUT!" Jimena rounded on him.

"Shut the hell up!"

"Stanton-"

"He's going to hear you!"

"I don't ca-"

He pressed his lips roughly against hers, making sure to keep her wrists safely behind her back.

He gave a deep inward sigh. He was going to die. He was actually going to die. Immortality had saved his ass countless times, but he doubted if it could face the wrath of an angry Jimena Castillo. Then, to his surprise, she parted her lips and gave in to the kiss. And when Jimena gave in, she gave_ in._ He felt her arms creeping around his shoulders and struggling with his blazer. When it had finally fell to his feet, she pulled him to the carpet where he stared at her in awe.

"W-why-"

She put a finger to his lips. "Shut up,_ vato_."

With that said, they both pounced on each other like animals. But it was a pleasureable kind of pain. Much more enjoyable than strangling her to death as he'd originally planned... Seizing her by the waist, he forced her up against the mirror, which eventually cracked under pressure. But that was no issue... Jimena gave him a harsh shove onto the cot, where she straddled him and bit into his neck, which hardly comapred to the nail marks he was leaving down her back, but who was keeping score?

"Take it off!" she rushed him, impatiently.

"I'm trying!" He wrestled with his pants. He knew it hadn't been a good idea to wear a belt. But Karyl just had to insist...

"Got it!" he cried, holding the belt up and before they could attack each other again, the door burst wide open.

Jimena screamed.

"That's him!" A frightened girl of about fifteen pointed straight at Stanton. "That's him right there!"

"Jimena!" Serena cried, tears in her eyes. "How _could_ you?"

They both raised their eyebrows, and she blinked.

"Sorry... Don't know what got into me..."

"PUT YOUR HANDS UP AND STEP _AWAY_ FROM THE GIRL!"

Stanton gulped. "But-"

"Don't make us come in there!"

He started to laugh. "No, no no! You don't understand! I'm not-"

"That's what all the perverts say!"

Two policemen started to drag him away.

"NO! JIMENA, TELL THEM!"

Jimena hadn't stopped screaming.

"Miss," One of the policemen reached out for her and she pulled away.

"Don't touch me, pig."

"Please, miss. What happened?!"

Jimena sobbed. "It was horrible!"

"WHAT?!" Stanton roared.

"Keep him away from me!" Jimena gave a well acted flinch and one of the policemen slapped him upside his head.

"WOMAN!" He felt his eyes glowing. "I SWEAR IF YOU DON'T TELL THE GODDAMN TRUTH-"

_Smack_!

"Shut up!" A policemen grabbed him by the throat. "You know what they do to child molesters in the big house?"

Stanton laughed. "Oh, she's hardly a-"

_Smack_!

"Hey!"

Jimena sobbed in Serena's shirt. The majority of the girls all glared at him with loathing. Cassandra had a twisted look of admiration in her eyes.

"I DIDN'T DO IT!" Stanton begged as he was taken away. He spotted the Atrox shaking his head shamefully. "I SWEAR! JIMENA, TELL THE TRUTH! JIMENAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

* * *

THE CONFESSION ROOM

"Tonight," Stanton started, glowering over them all. _I am one step closer to having the pleasure of never seeing any of you again_. "Someone will be leaving."

Everyone looked up at him expectantly. Everyone but Jimena who couldn't lay eyes on him without cracking up.

"Vanessa."

The girl stood up, fear in her eyes.

"You're a sweet kid. But as usual, you were too uptight. Work on that. Tianna?"

She approached him, tall and triumphant. He scowled.

"You can't just sit around, look good, and insult me all day and expect for me to keep you. If it worked that way, this wouldn't be half as interesting. Cassandra."

Cassandra shoved a shocked Tianna out of the way. "Yes, Stanton?"

"I hate you. But you never pounced on me in the girl's fitting room and framed me as a rapist afterwards so... I guess you get cool points."

Cassandra gasped and nearly fainted. He had never complimented her before! If you could call that a compliment, but it _was_ something!

"Jimena... TELL THE FUCKING TRUTH!"

"IIIEE!"

He ran for her and a group of policemen held him back. He'd hypnotized the police into letting him go, but they still had him on watch...

He bellowed in rage as she winked at him when no one was looking.

"Fine! You'll get _yours_! REVENGE WILL BE MINE!"

An executive tapped him on the shoulder. "Can you ge-"

"I'M GETTING ON WITH IT!"

The man slowly inched away.

"STACEY!"

"S-"

"I dare you to correct me! I fucking _dare_ you to correct me!"

Serena meeped.

"You were more outspoken this time and you looked good, but _maybe_ if you stopped correcting me-"

"But my name is-"

"YOUR NAME IS WHATEVER THE HELL I SAY IT IS! I'M THE FUCKING PR-" He stopped, his senses finally catching up with him. "I mean, um... sorry... Siren-"

"Serena."

"Se_re_na... anyhow, I'm going to Elimidate..."

They all gasped.

"The one I'm going to Elimidate _is_..."

He paused for effect.

"Tianna."

"_WHAT?_!"

Tianna marched towards him. "YOU CAN'T ELIMIDATE ME!"

"I can do whatever I want, you frigid bitch and you just didn't make the cut." He smirked. "Maybe you should have tried harder. Stanton doesn't date just any slut. Especially not stuck up whores like you."

With that, he walked away, ignoring the string of insults behind him and Cassandra's incessant cries of "I'm still here!"

Jimena seemed shocked that they both were still there, but it wasn't for any old reason. He could guarantee her that...

THE CONFESSION ROOM

"I don't believe this! How _dare_ he vote me off?! I'm the hottest bitch in the fucking universe and he votes me off?! He _must_ be a fag!" She flipped the bird at the camera.

Vanessa sat in her chair, tears brimming her eyes. "I-I don't think I want to do this anymore! Everyone is _so_ violent and Stanton's a... A RAPIST!" She started sob into the boots that she'd bought earlier.

"I couldn't believe when Stanton tried to rape Jimena!" Serena cried. "And what's more, I can't believe they let him out of jail! _What _is the world coming to?!"

"I'M STILL HERE! I'M STILL HERE! I'M STILL HERE! I'M STILL..."

"I don't know what that vato's up to keeping me here, but it's not gonna work. I'm _Risky_. I defeated the hardest and outwitted the best. His punk ass thinks he can out smart me? Dream on, pretty boy."

* * *

"HAHAHAHAHAHAH!" Catty doubled over as she watched Elimidate on a big screen television. "That bitch had it comin!"

A man in a robe and playboy bunny slippers smirked at her from that bathroom in his master bedroom. "What _bitch,_ Catty?"

She smiled seductively and slid out of the bed, her green silk lingerie robe, riding up her thighs. "You know." She wrapped her arms around his neck as he sat back on the bed. "That bitch that tried to upstage me on Elimidate?"

"Ah," The man smiled at the memory."The gorgeous one."

Catty frowned as she slipped her fingers over his back, massaging lightly. "She just got booted."

The man frowned. "Stanton never did know how to pick them."

Catty bit her lip, jealously taking over. Her strokes became more rough. "I thought you said_ I_ was your favorite, Lamby."

He pulled her into his arms. "And you are, Catty. You know I could never replace you."

She giggled and ran a finger down his damp chest. "So... do you have a plan yet?"

"Lamby" gazed down at her, a malicious gleam in his phosphorescent eyes. "I have a plan..."


	6. Everything You Own In A Box To The Left

Stanton awoke to the dangerously brilliant rays of Nefandus's red moon. Groaning, he rolled over and bumped into something soft and pink. The pink lump moved up and down slowly while emitting loud nasal sounds. Stanton frowned. He only knew one thing that could make that kind of noise. He cradled his forehead as memories of last night flooded back to him. After being framed and arrested, he'd Elimidated the best looking girl on the show. Then he went to the bar and drowned his sorrows in alcohol and salted pretzels. He faintly remembered starting a drunken fight with some guy named Bruno and being splattered across the pavement. He'd eventually thought to blast Bruno into the next millennium and steal his bicycle, which he rode in two hundred and fifteen consecutive circles crashing into the same building each time. Two chipped teeth and a migraine later, he wandered home laughing like a maniac and babbling incoherently. It was a tragic night for Karyl, who had been attempting to escape to Cuba, when he was caught scrambling down the raggedy staircase towards freedom. Stanton had taken him by the spikes and dragged him back upstairs spilling all of his good underwear and hair products in the process. Karyl's hairstyle was destroyed and with it, his will to escape. They reached the dingy little apartment and from there, it was all history.

Stanton's little day dream faded away and a derisive leer warped his features. He hated. Hated! HATED Jimena Castillo! She would die a horrible death. Mark his words. Seething, he gave the pink lump a sharp kick and low moans uttered from its direction.

"GET UP, YOU LAZY BUM!"

The lump that could obviously be identified as Karyl rolled about on the ground clutching his side.

"MAKE ME BREAKFAST!" Stanton bellowed.

Karyl's eyes flashed a menacing red and Stanton flashed back. Karyl flashed once again.

"Stop it before you hurt yourself!" Stanton flashed, more brightly than usual, and hurled a Spongebob pillow at him. "We both know that I could out flash you any day. Hey! You'll burn your eyes out!"

Sure enough, Karyl was beginning to tear up. "Fine." He pulled the covers from his naked body and crawled over towards the jeans, hujab, and the inconspicuous hood he'd been wearing during his plan to escape to Cuba. Of course it hadn't worked on Stanton. Stanton would know that ass _anywhere_. He picked up the clothing and frowned. "They're ripped, Stanton. You ripped my favorite jeans!"

"Wear some of mine!"

"I can't breathe in your clothes! They're too tight!"

"It's not my fault if you need a lose weight!"

Karyl gasped. "Are you calling me fat?!"

"Maybe I am."

"Funny." Karyl gritted his teeth. "You weren't complaining last night."

"Last night was no picnic Karyl." Stanton grimaced. "If you could see your ass. Nothing but waves and waves-"

"You take that back!"

"- It was like the ocean or something."

" Stanton!"

"It even has a ripple effect- ACK! ACK! ACK!"

Stanton choked as Karyl's fingers closed around his neck and banged his head repeatedly against the wall.

"Karyl!" he choked. "Stop it! Stop before-" He reached out and pimp smacked Karyl across the jaw. "Stop it before the Atrox walks in unexpectedly and asks us if we were doing exactly what we _were_ doing and we have to come up with some hare brained excuse that won't work anyway and he walks away shaking his head in disappointment."

Karyl took a deep breath. "I am calm."

Stanton patted his back. "Of course you are. Now get dressed and go make me a sandwich."

Karyl shook in silent rage and took a deep breath. "Fine. Just one more thing."

Stanton stared at him expectantly.

"Am I really fat?"

Stanton shook his head, his blonde bangs dancing from side to side. "Of course, you're not fat, Karyl. We're supposed to be seductive vampire like beings of darkness. You can't afford to be fat."

"And you can't afford to be gay."

"I know that!" Stanton rasped. "Now go make me a sandwich!"

"Yessir!" Karyl raced off towards the small kitchen area.

Sighing, Stanton stood from his place on the bright yellow bed and trudged unwillingly into the bathroom. He opened the cabinet and glared upon sight of its contents. "WHOSE BEEN USING MY TOOTHBRUSH TO PUT ON EYE SHADOW AGAIN?!"

"It was _me_, my lord!" Murray's muffled voice came from the broom closet. He'd moved in too late to get any of the_ good_ bedrooms.

"HOW _DARE_ YOU USE _MY_ BELONGINGS TO MAKE YOURSELF LOOK BEAUTIFUL! YOU CONCEITED BITCH! YOU SHOULD BE _ASHAMED_ OF YOURSELF!"

"I'm _so_ ashamed, your grace."

"WELL, YOU SHOULD BE! YOU-" Stanton shook the toothbrush towards Murray's broom closet. "YOU THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE!"

"Of course, your majesty."

Stanton plucked Tymmie's tooth brush from the back and lined it with Crest tooth paste. He didn't mind much because Tymmie hardly ever brushed his teeth anyway.

When he was done he turned the shower knob and stepped in, letting the water run over his sore skin. "They see me rolliiiiiiiin," he started.

"They hatiiiiiiiiin.

Patrollin

They tryna catch me ridin dirty

Tryna catch me ridin dirty

Tryna catch me ridin dirty

Mah music so loooud

I'm swangiiiiin-"

" Stanton!"

Stanton scowled as Karyl's annoying voice traveled into the room. "What?!"

"Your sandwich is ready!"

"Leave it on the sink!"

"Whatever!"

Stanton sighed. Couldn't a prince shower in peace? Now where was he?

"To the left. To the left." He gave his hips a little swing to the left. "To the left. To the left." He started to use the soap as a mic.

"To the left. To the left.

Everything you own in a box to the left"

He spun around.

" Stanton!"

"WHAT?!"

"Do you want Mountain Dew with that?!"

"Whatever!"

"Whatever!"

Stanton resumed his "to the left" dance. "You got me twisteeeed!

You must not know bout me!

You must not know bout me!"

He pointed to the shower head.

"I could have another you

In a minute!

In fact he'll be here in a minute

Babeeeeh!" he sang shrilly, now booty hopping from side to side.

"You must not know bout me!

You must not know bout me!

I can have another you by tomorrow

So don't you ever for a second get to thinkiiiiiiiin

Your irreplaca- OOOOMPH!"

Stanton skidded across the bath tub during another swing "to the left" and grabbed at the shower curtains. They all came down. Along with the bar of Lever 2000 which hit him on the head with a loud _clunk_. Groaning from under the shower curtain, he looked up to see Karyl staring at him, a smirk fighting its way across his lips.

"Where should I put it?" The boy forced through concealed laughter.

Stanton lifted a finger to point, but it just wavered there aimlessly.

"To the left?" Karyl asked, seriously.

Stanton's eyes began to glow red and Karyl covered his eyes.

"No. No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

* * *

Stanton stepped out of the bathroom wearing the black button up and jeans that Karyl had borrowed momentarily from him. How dare that fool unknowingly mock_ him_? He had paid. He didn't _care_ if it was just an innocent mistake… 

Grumbling still, he made his way to the door, munching on the sandwich that Karyl had made for him. He pulled open the door and gasped. Standing there was the most beautiful, amazingly hot guy he'd ever seen in his entire life!

Besides himself, of course.

"C-can I help you?" he stammered.

The man, who looked around eighteen, ran his fingers through his lengthy black curls and stared at Stanton with piercing blue eyes.

"Have you the slightest idea who I am?"

Stanton smirked charmingly. His smirk was sure to win over anyone. Hopefully this guy was another initiate. Then he could replace Cassandra and make him a slave! "I'm afraid not. Maybe we should introduce ourselves."

" Stanton." The man looked angry.

"So you've heard of me." Stanton beamed proudly. "And you are?"

"We've met before." The man rolled his eyes. "I just told you-"

"Shy, aren't you?" Stanton reached out to take the man's shoulder. "Nothing I can't fi- HOLY SHIT!" He cried as the man took him by the arm and flipped him over his shoulder. He moaned and the man shook his head.

"I figured you'd try something like that…"

"Wh-who are you?!" Stanton demanded.

"Our conversation last week."

"Wha?"

"The sword?"

"Wha?!"

"Ethan!" The man through his arms up in defeat. "I'm Ethan!"

Stanton stood up. "Well, GEEZ! That's all you had to say. Tossing me around like some rag doll-"

Ethan took him roughly by the throat, his voice multiplying. "I'M THE ATROX! THE ATROX YOU IDIOTIC, HOMOSEXUAL, CRADLE ROBBING DOLT!"

Stanton laughed. "Riiiiiiiight. Of course you are. And I'm the Queen of Sheba." He pulled away. "Hey guys!" He called to Murray and Tymmie who were now dragging a bloody, watery Karyl out of the bathroom. "Check this out!" He danced around. "Oh, look at me! I'm the Atrox! Even though I'm way too sexy to even be mentioned in the name of that overgrown, fat ass, shadowy_ bastard_!" He slapped his knee. "The Atrox's mama -"

" Stanton-" Murray started.

"Quiet, slave!" Stanton bellowed. "The Atrox's mama is so fat, I had to take a train and two buses just to get on her good side!" Stanton rolled around on the floor and they all stared at him.

" Stanton-"

"No?" he asked, breathlessly. "No? Okay, I got a better one!" He slapped Ethan on the back. "The Atrox's mama is so stupid, someone said it was chilly out and she went outside with a bowl!" He snapped. "OH, SNAP!"

" Stanton-" Karyl stared pleadingly.

"Hard audience, eh? Okay, check this out. The Atrox's mama's teeth are so yellow, I Can't Believe it's Not Butter! OH!" He laughed into Ethan's shirt. G-get it? Because butter is yellow and… and…" He looked up at Ethan. "You okay, man?"

" Stanton." Tymmie swallowed hard. "Remember that meeting we had last week about the becoming?"

Stanton shrugged. "Vaguely."

"Remember the sword that would give the Atrox a human form?" Karyl put in.

"And the Atrox said he'd always liked the name Ethan…" Murray explained.

Stanton stroked his chin thoughtfully. "So the Atrox wanted to use a sword to become a human named Ethan."

Karyl nodded rapidly. "We found the sword yesterday."

Stanton raised an eyebrow. "Just what are you getting at, Karyl?"

They all pointed behind him. But before he could turn around, Ethan had already blasted him face forward into the wall. His fellow followers all winced in felt sympathy. Roughly turning him around Ethan's angry blue eyes pierced into his. "**_I am the Atrox_**."

"I believe you." Stanton squeaked before crumpling to the ground.

Ethan gave Stanton a sharp kick in the side. No one talked about mommy that way…

"Oh, Atrox!" A voice called from down the hall. "Atrox, darling!"

Stanton turned towards the voice and his eyes widened at what he saw there. "Tianna!"

"Tianna!" Ethan smiled evilly and wrapped his arms around her perfect waist. She giggled and tossed back a lock of long raven hair to get a better look at Stanton. He cringed. Here came the treatment.

"Is that the fag that voted me off yesterday?!" Her face started to redden.

Ethan took her by the shoulder. "It's alright, my love. He works for us. You can torture him however you like. Besides, you have me now." He kissed her neck and she giggled some more.

"I guess you're right."

"Wait!" Stanton stood to his feet. "_You're_ a daughter of the moon?!"

Tianna rolled her eyes. "Duh!"

Stanton's eyes glow red.

Tianna scoffed. "I can do that now too!" She glowed back.

He seethed. Weren't any of his trademark threats intimidating anymore?

"You're almost as bad as Jimena!"

"Jimena's a daughter too!"

"GASP!" he gasped. No wonder she was such a bitch to him… He'd show her! "But if you're a daughter then why did you give in so easily?!"

Tianna sighed. "The daughters are lame. They don't even have a lot of money. They don't drink or smoke or have sex. They just dance. And everyone thinks two of them are witches. I can't be _seen_ with _them_! Plus Vanessa is the most popular girl in school. And Tianna is second to no one!"

Stanton gasped. Vanessa was a daughter too?

"I had a foster mother who would have probably tried to do me in one day anyway. And Derek is _such_ a loser." Her fingers crept over Ethan's chest in a spider like motion. "My Atrox is _so_ much hotter!"

Stanton stared at her in awe.

"Oh, and I remembered what you said yesterday about me getting old and wrinkly." She made a face. "Ew!"

Ethan kissed her forehead. "Now you never have to grow old. You can be beautiful and superficial forever."

Tianna smiled back. "I love your powers."

"Me too." He started back the way he had come. " Stanton, you will bring Tianna fresh strawberries by sundown."

"What?!"

"You heard me."

Stanton kicked at the wall. "Is that what you came here to tell me?"

An evil grin slipped over Ethan's lips. "No, actually." He turned back to him. " Stanton."

"Yeah?"

"You're fired."

Stanton's jaw dropped. He was Stanton! He couldn't be fired! He'd lose all his sexy credibility!

"You can't be serious!"

The Atrrox nodded. "Everything you own in a box to the left."

Stanton thought his head would explode.

"It's not the end of the world, Stanton."

"It isn't?"

"You can always be our pool boy."

Stanton gulped.

"You'll stand around in blue speedos basically doing nothing and making our estate look better. No doubt, our son will take to throwing things at you when the maid is occupied and Tianna will use you for sex when I'm away on missions."

That last part didn't sound so horrible, but his dignity wouldn't let him submit. "Never!"

"Then you will perish on the streets."

"But why?!" Stanton begged, grasping him by the legs. "WHY?!"

"Because you are gay, Stanton."

"BUT THAT'S NOT FAIR!"

"Fairness isn't in my job description." Ethan replied coolly. "Besides, your roommates kept bothering me. They said you keep sexually assaulting them."

Stanton sent a murderous glare in their direction, but they were already gone. Probably packing for Cuba again… "All lies! I'm straight! I can prove it!"

Ethan raised an eyebrow.

A light bulb clicked on in Stanton's mind. "A daughter! I'll seduce one and bring her to you!"

"You? Seduce a girl?"

"I've done it before! Just not… recently…"

Ethan crossed his arms and sighed. "Very well. Bring me a daughter and you can keep your job."

Stanton exhaled in relief. Thank the Atrox…

"I won't fail you!" he called after the couple as they started to walk away. Tianna looked over her shoulder and gave him a you-are-the-scum-of-Nefandus look.

"Homo say what?

"What?"

They exploded with laughter.

"Doh!" Stanton bit his lip and turned back toward his room. He felt like beating something to a pulp. As if on cue, Murray, Karyl, and Tymmie all stumbled out of the room clad in hujabs, bulky robes, and scream masks, suitcases in hand. Stanton smirked wickedly. Right on time.

* * *

" WORMS!" 

"Yes!"

"FOOLISH WORMS!"

"We know."

"Why back in my day…"

Serena and Jimena sighed as Maggie went off on another one of her angry tirades spouting out random information that they really didn't give a damn about…

Vanessa sat in a corner to the left trembling so hard that her diamond tiara fell off. "Yes, Maggie." She squeaked, hanging on to every word of the lecture. "That's so true, Maggie. I understand, Maggie."

"NO, BAMBI!" Maggie boomed. "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! YOU'RE SO DENSE THAT I CAN'T BRING MYSELF TO UNDERSTAND HOW YOU CAN UNDERSTAND HOW TO WAKE UP EVERY MORNING!"

Vanessa sobbed into the wall.

Serena frowned. "Maggie-"

"Don't Maggie me, you fucking… peacock! What are you wearing anyway?"

Serena looked down at her multi- colored shirt with bright red jeans and blue platforms. "Um…"

"Now we've lost TWO daughters because of your incompetence!"

"Well," Jimena started. "Technically it wasn't our fault."

"Shut up!" Maggie roared. "I'll deal with you later." She bit her thumb and paced in front of them. "Now Tianna has chosen to accept her becoming and I've heard that Catty has joined forces with someone from the dark side."

Vanessa gasped. "No!"

"OH YES!" Maggie boomed in her direction.

Vanessa fainted.

"The only thing we can depend on now his information." She turned to Serena. "And I'm depending on you to get it!"

"Why not me?!" Jimena asked.

"Well, maybe if you hadn't have influenced him to try and _kill_ you, you_ could_ gather information!" Maggie roared. "Just be on guard. He's tricky."

"What about Vanessa?"

Maggie scoffed. "Are you serious?" She sat down next to Serena. "Now listen. This is exactly what I want you to do…"

**Author's Note: Goofy chappys are fuuuuun! So… more ideas for places! CMON! **


	7. THIRD ROUND: CANCELED

AUTHORS NOTE: This was fun to write. That's all I have to say really. Oh and it's complete crack. I think the delivery guy may have put something in my fried rice...

Vanessa skipped daintily down the smooth, clean pavement, the frills of her sugary pink princess dress bouncing at her perfect (but well covered) legs. Her golden curls danced about her twinkling baby blue eyes like sun rings on the clearest day. She flashed a bright smile at her many admirers as she skipped on by. Oh, how they loved her!

"Love me!" she sang to them as she passed and the birdies sang along. And not those kinds of birdies like vultures and crows and pigeons. The sweet, cute kinds of birdies. Like in those Disney flicks.

She gave a few rifts of "Someday My Prince Will Come" in a ridiculously-impossible- to-interpret-and possibly-harmful-to-the-ears high pitched voice and swirled around a few times. The crowd gasped in awe. For this was truly an amazing feat. The poofy white clouds hummed along to her little song and the green, leafy trees swayed in happy happy bliss. That is until...

**DUN DUN DUN!**

The former sunny, blue cracked with voluminous thunder and a blinding jet of lightening darted through the sky and struck a cute little birdie dead.

Vanessa gasped. "Who would do such a thing?!"

While the logical explanation in almost any other case would have been a disturbance of the normal condition of the atmosphere, manifesting itself by winds of unusual force or direction, often accompanied by rain, snow, hail, thunder, and lightning, or flying sand or dust a.k.a mother nature, Vanessa was actually on to something!

A dark figure stepped out from behind a nearby sugar plum castle.

"Eek!" Vanessa's admirers cried. "It's the **EVIL RAPIST **Stanton!"

"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

"IIIIE!" Vanessa shrieked and put both of her ever so delicate hands to her cheeks in a dramatic motion. "Someone help me!"

The**EVIL RAPIST**Stanton had started to strut toward her in a way that was inappropriate for folks under the age of 17 and Vanessa supposed that it would be better to just run.

"**Vanessaaaa**!" he sang in a deep baritone voice as he chased her down the now rough and ridged roadway.

"Help!" she shrieked after her not-so-loyal admirers as they sprinted ten feet ahead of her.

"**VANESSAAA**!"

"EEP!" she let out a piercing scream as she reached forward for a birdies tail and stumbled over her many frilly pink skirts. She moaned at the intense pain that was a small scratch on her arm and glanced back to see the **EVIL RAPIST** Stanton gaining on her. His blonde tresses lashed wildly in the night like golden serpents and his black, leathery attire was clashing with her backdrop of sparkling castles and rainbows.

"**Muahahahahaha**!" he gave a maliciously deep, deep laugh fit for any evil rapist.

Vanessa forgot her excruciatingly mind numbing pain and started to stand only to find that the material of her dress had caught in the hooks and ridges of the cracking gravel beneath her feet.

"Oh my!" Vanessa exclaimed in despair. Of course she could have relieved herself of the dress, but she wouldn't dare do such a thing to save her_ life_. Literally.

"**Muahahahahaha!**" The laughter had become louder and the scent of AXE body wash filled her nostrils. Vanessa cringed at the thought of its terribly indecent commercials.

"**Vanessa...**" She jumped as one pale, spidery hand rested on her shoulder and felt his breath against her perfect rosy cheeks. Then in the most evil, rapist-like manner, he whispered... "**I'm going to do...**"

She gasped.

"**PG rated things to you.**"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"**Vanessa.**"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"**Vanessa?**"

"PLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE!"

"**VANESSA**!"

Vanessa's eyes shot wide open and she found that she was indeed not in Sugar Plum Fairy Land but Stanton was indeed present and he was rigid with anger.

"I AM **NOT** AN EVIL RAPIST! The devil is a lie!" he seethed. "AND IF I WANTED TO RAPE SOMEONE IT WOULDN'T BE YOU! I'D HAVE A HEART ATTACK AND** DIE** FROM THE GLUCOSE LEVELS!" He shook her. "UNDERSTOOD?!"

Vanessa meeped and fainted promptly after.

"Not the best way to handle things, vato." Jimena leaned against Stanton's shoulder and dodged out of the way before he could bite her nose off.

"That's the third time today." Cassandra shook her head and long, silky black extensions swished about like a waterfall. She'd gone all out today and worn a long, flowing black dress with a high split, fishnet, lace, and tons of gothic appeal. "Like my outfit?" she bit her lip suggestively and leaned into to the **EVI**- Stanton.

"It's hideous." he replied without glancing her way and pulled the sleeve of his dark brown blazer up to look at his watch. "Where is that girl?" By that girl, he meant the last contestant. The object of his demise's best friend. The quiet lunatic. It had took him up until now to notice, but, they were already well into their day and she had yet to show up. They had planned to go to the candy shop, the movies, and finally The Rainforest Café. He sighed. If she didn't arrive soon, the other three were going to drive him insane. His expression grew pensieve. Had she been eaten by a whale perhaps?

"Mmmm." He was snapped out of his daze to see Jimena stuffing as many snicker bars as possible into that huge mouth of hers.

"M-ma'am?" A nervous girl of about thirteen in a sickeningly green uniform stuttered.

"Mmmmmmmmmm." Jimena munched on.

"Um... ma'am?"

"Yumyumyum!" Jimena made cookie monster noises.

"Hey!" Stanton put a hand to the girl's shoulder. "Don't worry about her."

The girl nodded sheepishly and they stared at each other in an awkward moment.

"So..."

"..."

"... I dig chicks with braces."

Then, before you could say "child molestation suit", the welcoming bells over the candy shop entrance began to ring and every male's attention turned to the door. Stanton tore his eyes away from brace face to see what all the hullabaloo was about and his jaw nearly fell to the concrete. There was... that girl. Only she wasn't dressed in her usual just-plain-weird attire. In fact, she wasn't dressed in much attire at all... Her snake patterned red leather micro mini was impossibly short and anyone could have easily mistaken it for underwear. Her torso and shoulders were completely bare, with the exception of something that looked a lot like a bra... only it was red and leathery. Her equally red and leathery three inch heeled sandals crept up her ankles where a black diamond anklet rested. She tossed back a few wisps of wild dark hair and strutted towards him, her scarlet lips fixed into a smirk.

"Slow mo!" He thought he heard Jimena whisper from his paralyzed state. Sure enough, the girl began to walk as if she'd stepped right out of a Paris Hilton Burger King commercial. But apparently slow motion isn't as easy as it looks with heels because she slipped and fell on her scantily clad ass.

Jimena slapped a hand to her forehead and Stanton leaned down, his arm outstretched. "You okay?"

The girl forced a smirk and lifted a small shiny package from beneath her heel. "Rogue snicker."

Jimena crossed her arms and tried to look innocent.

"Is everything going well, my dears?" They all glanced around to see a blonde woman with glasses and wavy blonde hair beaming at them. A certain glow seemed to radiate from her. However, Jimena and that slut on the floor didn't seem to think so. Was it just his imagination or had she sent a death glare at the latter? Before he could further contemplate it, the woman offered him a hot silver platter of chocolate chip cookies.

"Fresh from the oven, dearie!"

"Oh boy!" Stanton's eyes went Honeycombs wide as her devoured the platter whole... well not quite. He gagged and doubled over the ice cream section. Brace face turned almost as green as her uniform. When Stanton was finished relieving himself, he stood planted still horrified at the entire ordeal. Those cookies were shit!

He turned to the blonde. "Lady, your cookies are shit."

She looked as if she would strangle him for a few seconds before she blinked and asked, "Excuse me, dearie?"

"Shit." he responded. "Not to be mistaken for 'the shit' - shit." The girls started to drag him away. "And I mean that as a very derogatory term! And another thing!"

Jimena slammed a taffy apple into his mouth and he shut up. If he could say one thing for Jimena, she had good taste in food. He glanced back at the woman and used every fiber of his being not to shudder. For the glare she was currently giving him could make even the toughest members of the Cincti run away with their tail between their legs. Which could be useful! He started toward her. Perhaps he could seduce her. How old was she anyway? 20? 30? 60? Underaged perhaps?! He couldn't tell!

"Vato!" Jimena took him roughly by the arm. "You don't wanna go there."

Stanton rolled his eyes. "You are _so _not the boss of me."

But before they could go on with their pointless argument, that-girl-turned-super-slut put a finger to his lips.

"Shhhh." she whispered seductively against his cheek.

"Meep." He squeaked. "I mean! Um... hey... um... what was your name again?" he asked the million dollar question.

"Whatever you say it is." she breathed.

That worked.

"So where to... Stanton?" Optimus Prime put her hands to her hips and gave him a sultry look.

"The movies." He told her with a smirk as he removed Vanessa from the store counter where she'd last fainted. It was the perfect opportunity to seduce Jimena and prove his manhood once and for all!

* * *

" Dashing and daring,

Courageous and caring,

Faithful and friendly,

With stories to share.

All through the forest,

They sing out in chorus,

Marching along,

As their song fills the air.

Gummi Bears!!

Bouncing here and there and everywhere!

High adventure that's beyond compare!

They are the Gummi Bears!"

Stanton sank deeper into his seat as Vanessa clapped wildly and sang along with the little, fuzzy wuzzy bears tumbling across the screen and fighting evil doers. Yaaaay.

"Oh, you guys!" Vanessa squealed two seats down from him. "Isn't this fun?!" She rambled on crazily and eyed Stanton. Well, his shoes. She never looked him in the eye anymore. "Makes you want to be nice, huh? Heeheehee! Makes you want to rethink your life choices? Heeheehee! Repent? Heehee?"

That being said, Vanessa spent the rest of her movie experience under her seat, reaching up only for popcorn. But not too much. A princess has to watch her weight, you know.

"You've just got to believe in yourself!" A great, big, fat bear fuck bellowed from the screen. Stanton was pissed. How was he supposed to get any seducing done in _here_?! Sure, he was seated next to Jimena, but Cassandra kept reaching over her for his popcorn and using it as an excuse to grope his nether regions. And as if that wasn't enough, the evil but sexy in red Megatron was constantly distracting him with her _sluttacious_ ways.

"Stanton." she whispered in his ear, her fingers creeping up his shirt. "I really like you."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." He reluctantly brushed her off and turned to Jimena. "Hey Jimena." He hoped he sounded as smooth as when he'd rehearsed at home in his underwear.

"What?"

"He rested his arm on the head of her seat and leaned into her. "I think we got off on the wrong foot."

"Oh, yeah?" She brought a heavy black heeled boot down on his toes. "¿Cómo es eso? How's that?"

"I love it when you're mad." he whined through clenched teeth.

"Sorry." She frowned and shifted her position. "Did you mean the other one?"

"Nononononono!" He put his hands up to stop her. "I mean..." He leaned back over, keeping his feet at a fair distance from her destructive boots. "Don't tell me you didn't feel something in that fitting room."

"Besides you trying to rape me? Uh... not really, vat-"

"You're a mother fucking lie! You started it, you little shit! I loa-"He glanced back to see Serena staring wildly at him and loosened his grip on Jimena's collar. "Loa-l-love you." The words were more painful to get out than those horrible chocolate chip cookies. "I love you, Jimena."

She seemed a bit taken back, but as usual, she recovered, her smile just vicious enough to match a tiger's on the prowl. "And you show it so well."

He felt the other girl tapping at his leg. "Not now, Megatron! Can't you see I'm busy?!"

She seemed confused enough to save him a few minutes of her loony antics.

"Now back to us."

"¿Arriba qué es usted a?" Jimena eyed him warily. " What are you up to?"

He let out a dry laugh. "The only reason you're here is to sabotage me and you have the nerve to ask me what _I'm_ up to?"

"Look vato." She gave him a piercing glare. "The fitting room thing was just a joke, okay? I did it for the lulz."

"The what?"

"Eh... for fun."

"Okay." he muttered in a not so convinced tone before leaning in to whisper in her ear. "But who said I was talking about that?"

"Huh?" she suddenly looked nervous.

"I'm talking about something much bigger than a fraudulent rape charge." He smirked. "I'm talking... bigger than the moon if you catch my drift."

Jimena's eyes widened and his expression flooded with malice.

"You mean the time I taped 'I Like Butt Secks' to your back?"

"Ye- YOU DID WHAT?!"

"Nothin."

"I know what you are!" he whispered fiercely. "I know that you're a goddess! A daughter of the moon!"

There was an awkward silence in which he blocked Cassandra's crotch grope with his handy dandy lighter. Finally Jimena blinked. "A what?"

He frowned. "Don't play stupid with me, Jimena. I know it. I can_feel_ it." Okay, so that was only half true.

Jimena gave him a long, hard stare under which he began to feel distinctly uncomfortable until she finally asked, "Why did you tell me?"

"Because," he reached out to run his fingers through a lock of her dark, curly hair. "I'm in l...l... Cut it out, Megatron!" he barked at the girl behind them but secretly thanked her for distracting him from what he had to do.

"What? Jimena asked.

"In love with you."

She blinked.

"For real." he added for emphasis.

He swallowed hard, not liking the disbelieving smirk working its way across her face.

"Prove it."

He swallowed harder. What would he say to a goddess? A daughter of the moon if he were completely and madly in love with her?

"Is that what you wear to bed?"

She raised an eyebrow.

"Stupid. Stupid. Stupid!" He banged his palm against his forehead.

"Hey!" She took him by the wrist. " I don't care if you're the son of el diablo himself. I'm sick of these bears. Let's go find a janitor's closet."

He blinked. "Okay." This was going to be easier than he thought.

"And lose the good boy act." Jimena scoffed. "I liked you better when you hated my guts."

"Really?!" Stanton's grin widened. "Because I actually can't fucking stand you!"

"Oh my God!" Jimena exclaimed. "I can't stand your ass either!"

"I hate you!" he beamed, leading her down the aisle.

"I hate you too!"

"Oh, stop!" he shoved her playfully.

"No,_you _stop!"

And they skipped on out of the Gummi Bears: The Movie theater ignoring the protests of the other three.

That is until...

"And just what are you two doing?"

They turned around from their bittersweet disdain for one another to see a blonde usher standing there, watching their every move with loathing. "I suggest the two of you get back to your seats... dearies."

Jimena was the first to sneer. "Someone's busy today."

"What did you say to me, girl?"

"Nothin." She started to guide him back to his seat, but there was no way Stanton was going to let this ambiguously familiar person push him around! Plus he was horny.

"I'm not sitting down."

The woman smiled. It was almost frightening. "But you paid for this movie, dearie."

"What? This piece of shit?!" He contemplated demanding his money back.

"Stanton." Jimena growled. "Just. Sit. Down."

"Do you _know_ who I am?! I murdered a clown the other day with my _bare hands_!"

Okay, maybe that was nothing to brag about.

"Sit. Down. Dearie." The woman gave him that glare. The one evil enough to scare off Cincti members. And speaking of which...

"Ma,am, would you consider-"

"Siddown!"

"ARF!" He started for his seat, but Jimena didn't follow. He gulped as she was dragged off to some dark, lonely corner where no one would hear her cries. He would always remember the strength of their hate. Sighing he slumped down in his seat. He would have to settle for Vanessa then...

"Stanton-"

"Not now, Pikachu. Can't you see Ash is busy?"

"That's it!" That caught his attention. He turned around to see one furious Pokemon.

"I dressed up for you!" she cried. "I tried to be sexy! Isn't this enough?!" She motioned to her body.

"Hmmm..." he stroked his chin in thought.

"What do you want me to do?!" she screeched, ignoring Vanessa's fervent "shush"s. "Fuck you right here and now?!"

"...That would be nice actually."

"..."

Stanton waited.

But Pikachu just threw her hands up in the air and fell back against her seat. "I hate men. You're all arrogant, chauvinistic, pigs!"

Stanton felt tears brimming his eyes. "Did you..." he leaned toward her. "Did you just refer to me... as a man? A real man?"

Serena was, needless to say, confused. "... yes."

He sniffled. "No one's... no one's ever done that before!" He wrapped his arms around her waist and sobbed deeply into her exposed chest.

"Y-you d-don't kn-know how much th-that means t-to meeeeeee!"

Dumbstruck, she patted gently at his head and watched as the bears all drank gummiberry juice to defeat the terrible minions of darkness... seriously.

* * *

The girls oohed and ahhed as they stepped into the colorful Rainforest Café with the exception of Jimena who expected way better dining than this. Plus she was still sore about her run in with the blonde woman and was in no mood to be reckoned with.

"Seymour?!" A woman called from behind a small wooden podium. The most sluttacious clad of the three groaned. "Seymour Butts?!"

A giggling Stanton prodded her and she stepped forward to claim their table.

Stanton smiled widely, proud that he could finally afford something above the price range of McDonald's.

"Oh, Stanton!" Cassandra crooned. "You're so rich and powerful."

"I know." He struck a noble pose. "And don't touch me."

"Sorry."

"Stanton!"

He spun around. Who could it be? The Atrox perhaps? To observe his undeniable straightness? He wrapped an arm about Seymour's waist just in case. His eyes fell on the owner of the voice and he gasped in terror.

No! It couldn't be! It was his totally hot, but treacherous arch enemy from the past!

"Lombardo!"

"It's Lambert, you bumbling idiot." The silver haired man shook his head. "Centuries later and you still can't get anything right."

"Heeheeheehee!" A young girl giggled from his side.

Vanessa squinted. "Catty? Is that you?"

Catty flipped her long brunette tresses over her shoulder. "Yeah, it's me." She winked. "Good thing you voted me off, Stanton." She smoothed down her long flowing midnight blue gown, making sure to accent every curve. "You could never afford anything like this."

"That because he's not a puta like you, chica." Jimena explained nonchalantly.

Catty snorted. "For your information, my Lamby paid for this."

"You're what?"

Lambert grumbled. "I thought I told you not to call me that in public..."

"Anyway, Lamby," Stanton sneered. "As you can see, I'm enjoying a heterosexual meal with my three lovely contestants. Who are obviously women if the Atrox asks. So be nice for once and get the fuck out."

Lambert gave an evil Lambert chuckle. "I'm not like you Stanton. I don't have the time to torture my arch enemies just for the sake of torturing them. I'm here on business."

Stanton nearly choked on his bread. "Business?!" He turned to Seymour. "What day is it today?!"

"Er..."

"You don't show up for another five books!" Stanton covered his ears. "I'm not listening to you! I'm not listening to you! Lalalala!"

"Fine." Lambert sighed. "I suppose I'll just have to open up the old..." He reached into his awesomely kewl black cloak. "PHOTO ALBUM!" He cheesed.

Stanton stopped singing. "What?"

"This was Stanton when he was only three years old." Lambert poked fondly at a picture of a pudgy boy playing with what seemed to be little dolls made out of clay. "Wasn't he cuuuuuute?"

"I know!" Seymour gushed.

"Yeah. What happened, eh?"

"Awwwwww!"

"How is that even possible?!" Stanton reached for the book but Lambert snatched it away.

"This is him at five. Playing dress up in his mother's old clothes. And you'd be surprised what people did for make up back then. It took us months to get it all off..."

"GIMMEE THAT!"

"And this is him and another invitus, Fido. They used to go off alone and-"

"ENOUGH!" Stanton snatched the photo album away and smacked Lambert upside the head with it. "What the hell is the matter with you?!"

"Will you listen?"

"Fine." Stanton grumbled. "You have one minute."

"One-"

"60!"

"But-"

"55!"

"Fine." He motioned to a guy standing near one of the Elimidate cameras. Stanton cocked an eyebrow. This guy looked vaguely familiar.

"Do I know you?"

Lambert blinked. "Stanton, this is Bob. The director of the show you've been starring on for the past week?"

Stanton wasn't sure if he was following this.

"The director of Elimidate!" Bob bellowed, tired of Stanton's thick head. "This show!"

"Ah..." Stanton remembered now! "And?"

"Well... we're thinking of taking the network in a whole different direction. Something new. Something fresh, you know?"

"Uh huh."

So we're doing..."

"Yeah?"

"Wait for it..."

Stanton waited for it.

"LAMB OF LOVE!"

Stanton blinked. "What?"

"We invite one guy- that's Lambert- onto a WHOLE NEW show where different girls compete for him!"

"So it's just like Elimidate."

"And a new girl is sent home like EVERY episode!"

"So it's just like Elimidate."

"Well... in LAMB OF LOVE..." Bob argued. "... It's in a house."

"..."

"... and chicks dig lambs..."

"... Okay, fine... Bob. But I still don't understand what this has to do with me."

"Well..." Bob scratched his head. "We're losing a lot of money to MTV and er... We're-Gonna-Have-To-Cancel-This-Show-Sorry-Please-Don't-Beat-Me-Up-Like-You-Did-Ronald-McDonald!" And with that, Bob cowered in a corner.

"What, Bob?!" Stanton threw a chair across the room because he saw it on The Boondocks and thought it would be cool to try. "You can't cancel my show! I'm the hottest thing on television!"

"You're gay, Stanton." Lambert explained calmly. "The public isn't stupid. Everyone knows. Why else would you refuse Catty?"

Catty shot an I-toldja-so smirk at Stanton.

"I am not!" He turned to the cowering Bob. "Just put me in a house!"

"Oh my Gawd, Stanton!" Vanessa gasped. "You're a gay _and_ a rapist?!" Her eyes began to water.

"No! Look Bob!" He pulled the man up by his designer shirt collar. "I'm_way_ better than Lambert! I mean... he's OLD!"

Lambert laughed. "The older the wiser."

"Well, I'm the Prince of Night!"

"I'm leader of a rebellion. Chicks dig that!"

"I know I do!" Catty agreed.

**"Blondes** have more fun!"

"Every cloud has a **silver** lining!"

"I have my own book!"

"Not yet you don't!"

"I can juggle!" Stanton started juggling plates.

"I can touch my tongue to my nose!"

"I can cross my eyes!"

"Anyone can, you dolt!"

"I can blast objects in a 500 mile radius!"

"I can blast objects in a 1000 mile radius!"

"I can speak Espanol!"

"I can speak Francais, Deustch, Y Espanol!"

"I can booty hop!"

"I can crank dat souljah boy!"

Stanton gulped. He did have him there. He uncrossed his eyes, stopped juggling, booty hopping, and singing the Spanish number song.

"Well, Stanton." Lambert grinned as he "supermaned that ho". "Looks like I win... again."

Stanton fell, defeated as Lambert and Catty disappeared into a black vortex, dragging Bob with them. No one seemed to notice much. I mean, do they ever?

"Does this mean we can go home now?" A bored Jimena asked, carrying a certain fainting prone blonde.

"No!" He spun around. He couldn't lose to Lambert. What would the Atrox think?! Besides, he really hated that guy...

He had to find some way to get his show back. But how?

* * *

AUTHORS NOTE:

Okay. Craziness. Complete OOCness. I'm such a crack baby sometimes.

If a word does not exist, 9 times out of 10, I know that. I got sluttacious from Monique's Charm School on VH1. You'll also notice my many pop culture references. I don't know what possessed me... Sorry. But this was fun.

READ AND REVIEW! Criticism is always welcome and so are suggestions!


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